An Unexpected Guest
by CowsLovePennies
Summary: Darth Vader's having a birthday party! Palpatine's in love, Ewoks are yummy in ketchup, and Anakin sees someone he never expected or wanted to see again.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- We don't own. We love George Lucas, he's so cool!

Authors' note- Anakin's hot! Okay, now that we've got that out of the way, thanks for checking out our story. Oh, this is written by two people by the way. We're not Gollum, we just have nothing better to do in class. Of course, it might be nice for our grades to pay attention in Health and Spanish once and a while, but hey, this is more fun.

The Unexpected Guest

Chapter 1

"You were the chosen one! You were supposed to destroy the Sith, not join them; bring balance to the Force, not leave it in ruin!"

I lay staring up at my former master, rage coursing through my veins, fire searing my skin, and all I could think was: _Kill me already, I have no legs!_

I remember that moment as though it was yesterday. It's hard to forget losing your hair, good looks, and multiple appendages after all. Of course, the fact that Obi-wan blatantly stole my light saber has been making me mad for the past six years as well.

Today is not a day to think of such bitter things, however. Black and red streamers are hung, the storm troopers are slaving away in the kitchens, and Palpatine is still getting R.S.V.P.s from the Hutts on Tatooine. You see, today is my 27th birthday.

I never really had a birthday party back when I was a Jedi. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like birthdays, it's just that Obi-wan never let me have one. He told me that birthday parties led to the Dark Side. Ever since I _joined_ the Dark Side, though, Palpatine and I have thrown the most raucous parties this side of the outer rim. Today will be no different. We'll dance, open presents, torture some sand people, get a little drunk, and then call it a night.

Palpatine is one of the main reasons why I joined the Dark Side. He's always been there for me, like the father I never had. Well, at least from my point of view. I think he wants us to be more than master/apprentice, but I could be wrong. It might be the fact that he calls me 'Sexy Sith' around the Death Star. Or it could be that time he told me that he only wanted me to join the Dark Side because I was "so freaking hot." Oh, and then there was that time when he told me that he wanted us to be more than master/apprentice. I don't know for sure though, it might just be all in my head.

Aside from these awkward thoughts, however, and of course this annoyingly clunky suit, the Dark Side has ultimately been pretty good to me. Sure I kill a few people every now and then, but it's a small price to pay when you're running the galaxy. The power that I've gained in my years as Palpatine's apprentice far outstrips anything I could have achieved as a Jedi. I've also found that the scarlet glow of my new light saber goes better with my wardrobe than the blue ever did, so I guess Obi-wan can just keep the stupid thing, where ever he is now.

I've also made loads of new friends in my position as a Sith. A few of the storm troopers and I get together once a week to play poker (some game popular among the bounty hunters). I hit it off pretty well with one of them, but every time I try to wave to him in the corridors, he just looks at me weird, leading me to think that I've been greeting the wrong one. No matter, though … they're all invited to the party, which again brings me back to the preparations.

We got in a massive shipment of food this morning from some forest moon called Endor. The Ewoks there taste wonderful when deep fried and dipped in ketchup. We've had a rivalry with the Ewoks for a while now. Storm troopers are sent over to Endor every once and a while to scope out the land and see if it might be suitable for future use. For some reason, though, the stupid little teddy bears keep pelting our scouts with rocks, so we've taken to hunting them.

I've insisted that the guests, which have already started to arrive, all wear party hats for the celebration. They came in red, black, and purple, but I hid the purple ones because they reminded me too much of Mace Windu.

Palpatine, however, refuses to wear one of my fabulous party hats. I believe it's because he has no clue on how to wear one. He first put it on under his cloak, but I immediately told him to take it off; it looked really weird, kind of like a small tee-pee on his head. He told me that it looked cool, and that he couldn't put it on over his cloak because then he wouldn't look scary anymore. I said that he looked like a gay wookie on drugs, and then we got into a fight. He stole my cape and called me a whiney, wanna-be Sith, so I tackled him and told him that his face looked stupid. After about ten minutes of name calling and wrestling around on the floor (which Palpatine seemed to enjoy for some reason) he finally took off the hat. So apart from my Lord and Master, Darth Sidious, everyone at the party will wear a hat, including me. (Mine had to be custom fitted to go with my helmet.)

Right now, the captains from some of the Imperial Starships in the area have arrived. Most of them look like they have light sabers shoved up their butts, and it's all I can do not to strangle them all with the Force. I greet them civilly though, and move on to speak with some protocol droids that remind me vaguely of C3PO; annoying yet great conversationalists.

During my six years as a Sith, I have also become friends with a young bounty hunter named Boba Fett. When I see him by the punch bowl at my party, I immediately ditch the droids and run over to greet him. Boba and I first became friends right after I helped Palpatine kill Mace Windu. He sent me flowers and a Thank-You card. I guess that his life goal was to murder Windu because Mace killed his father right in front of him when he was about eleven years old. The nerve of Windu, killing a man in front of his own son! I am _so_ glad I cut off his arm!

I say hi to Boba and we get to talking. I ask him if it's ever weird that he looks like all the clones.

"I'm used to it by now," he says. "At least I have a more distinctive suit." That's one thing I really like about Boba – he's pretty young, but because he wears that suit and helmet all the time, no one can tell he's hotter than me.

Boba sees some "business associate" of his, and runs off to talk to him while I meander over to the large steel table laden with gifts. With the music blaring and people talking, I can casually lean to the side and peek into one of the bags without anyone noticing … until I fall, that is.

I can feel my scarred face start to redden, although fortunately no one can see due to my mask. Palpatine rushes over to help me up, bowling over some clone troopers on the way. He pulls me to my feet and touches my butt before winking at me for some reason, and then walking back toward his chambers. I tell you, sometimes that guy can really freak me out.

I dust off my cape and wander over to the cake table until everyone stops staring. Dipping my finger into the dark chocolate frosting, I gaze around at the guests while clandestinely sucking on my hand. There is some kind of commotion by one of the entrances and the room becomes silent. As the crowd parts, I finally catch sight of him.

"Blast!" he shouts. It is my former master, my former friend, Obi-wan Kenobi.

Author's note- Well, hope we didn't scare too many people away. No idea when the next chapter will be up, but there should be more dialogue, the lack of which we're sorry for in this first part. Thanks for reading, wear your party hats, and review or we'll chop your arms off Star Wars style.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own, but in a reality far far away, we could.

Author's note- Thanks to everyone for reading this story. We appreciate it in the way only losers without lives ever could!

**Phantom'sJediBandieGirl**- Well, I guess you can keep your arm. Thanks for reviewing! We love your awkward situations and we'll be sure to put in a few of our own. **I have weird friends…**- Yes you do. Thanks for pitying us…. Lauren says you suck. **Blusgr2**- Lauren says you suck worse than DeShaun. Hey, but thanks for reviewing! Gay wookies rule! And 27 is a good number. **hEaRtS**- We appreciate the review! Oh, and as for Vader eating, well, we kinda didn't catch that. It'll be explained, albeit in a somewhat sucky way. Thanks. **Just Jill**- Lol. Thanks for the review. **KillinBuddy**- Watch Star Wars, you freak. We're glad that you have a fascination with the gay dude. (Though, was there ever any doubt that you would?)

An Unexpected Guest

Chapter 2

I stand there for a moment, my body unable to move. He stares at me with a blank expression, his eyes slightly bloodshot. We are both speechless. So many questions race through my mind.

"What are you doing here?" I finally manage to blurt.

He is silent for a moment before saying, "Who are you and where am I?"

His speech is slurred, and then it hits me. "You're drunk!" I yell.

"No I'm not," he replies.

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"Damn…."

"See," I say, "you wouldn't have argued with me, let alone lose that argument, if you weren't drunk."

He goes silent, and then promptly passes out.

"Take him to a jail cell," I hear myself say.

* * *

Obi-wan's head lolls unpleasantly to one side, drool pooling on his torn Jedi garb. I never cared for the traditional Jedi wardrobe … it always looked to me like someone had taken a throw rug and cut a hole in the middle to form some kind of shirt. Black was always my color.

I've been sitting in this cell for a while now, watching him sleep, hating him. Why did he have to show up? Life has been so good … I have loads of friends, I've finally gotten used to my mechanical arms and legs, and I actually remembered my way through the Death Star this morning (wandering around this thing is like constantly walking in a circle – so confusing). But now, now that he's here, all of these horrible memories keep flooding back. I can almost feel the tears stinging my burnt face when I last looked upon him. All I really want to do is kill him … reach forward and strangle him, or torture him slowly with Sith lightning, or cut him apart piece by piece with my light saber, his agonized screams echoing in my ears….

But I don't. I need to question him; I need to find out why he's here. Of course, Palpatine certainly would have gone along with my first impulse. He seems jealous of Obi-wan for some reason, though I can't imagine why. I convinced him that we should get some information out of him first, which is why I am here now, waiting.

He begins to stir in his sleep; the chains around his wrists clank slightly as he shifts his weight on the cold stone floor. He looks different than I remember him … older and weaker, perhaps. Or maybe it's simply the absence of that infuriated, pained expression that I've had imprinted in my mind for six years. I wonder where he's been, what he's done since the night he almost killed me. He interrupts my musings, however, by waking up and vomiting at my feet.

After a few minutes of continued retching and hurried movements on my part to get away from the chunks of soggy food spewing from his mouth, he finally wipes his face on whatever part of his bound arms that he can reach, and turns to me with an odd expression playing across his face.

"Why do you have chocolate frosting on your mask?" he asks, staring at me blearily.

I look at him for a moment, not quite sure what he's going on about. And then I remember.

"Oh damn," I say, hurriedly trying to wipe away the cake frosting that I had been inhaling through my mask earlier.

Silently cursing Palpatine for not notifying me of the chocolate all over my mask, I turn back to face my former master.

"So," I start, "what are you doing here?"

He looks at me like I'm stupid, and then he says, "I was drunk, how the hell should am I supposed to know? I'm not even a hundred percent sure where I even am!"

_This is the reason Obi-wan is here_, I think to myself, _because he got drunk?_

"Since when do you drink?" I ask. "When you were my master, I never saw you drink."

"Well, there's not much to do on Tatooine," he replies. "I suppose I could play chess with the sand people, but they really don't like to lose…," he shudders slightly.

"Why are you on Tatooine?" I ask.

"I have to watch over y – er – my son," Obi-wan says.

"I didn't know you had a son. After all the crap you gave me-."

"It was just a one night stand with some girl I met at a bar; I really didn't expect her to get pregnant."

"Oh," is all I can say. Obi-wan has a son? How odd is that? And all the time I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier at him, despising him for having something I never got the chance to have. I am brought back to reality, though, when Obi-wan starts shouting.

"Holy Sith, it's cold in here! Why don't you turn on the heat?"

"Heat is expensive," I say, becoming annoyed.

"Wait, let me get this straight. You rule pretty much the entire galaxy but you're too cheap to _turn up the heat_?"

"I'm not cold," I say. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm pretty warm in this big, heavy suit that YOU PUT ME IN!"

"You put yourself in that suit," he says in a dignified, Obi-wanish way. "I don't know what you're griping about – you got everything you wanted, didn't you? Of course, you helped kill hundreds of others that trusted you along the way…."

"All I ever wanted?" I say through gritted teeth. "The only thing I ever wanted was her."

Obi-wan starts retching again, bringing up only phlegm. I watch him impassively, waiting for a response.

"Maybe it was about her at first," he pants, "but you've always had a desire for power. Qui-gon never saw it, but I did, Anakin."

"Don't call me that," I mutter, although through my mask it sounds more like a hiss.

"Don't call you what, Anakin?"

"_Don't_ call me Anakin," I say. "Anakin Skywalker is dead."

"Really?" he says. "I was under the impression that I didn't kill you, Anakin."

I can feel my rage boiling over inside. "My name is Darth Vader," I tell him.

"But didn't your mother name you 'Anakin,' Anakin? I mean, 'Darth Vader' is simply – erm – _lovely_, but I could swear she at least called you 'Little Ani,'" he says with a sarcastic sort of smile that I just want to rip off of his face.

"_Anakin,"_ he starts in an annoying sing-song voice.

"Shut up, Obi-wan," I say.

"_Ani, Anakin."_

"Stop it!"

"_Aaaanaaakiin_."

"I said STOP IT!" I yell, whipping out my light saber in a blur of crimson before pausing it as his throat.

"Going to kill me?" he asks softly. "Come on, it would be a perfectly Sith-like thing to do."

I lower my saber, frustrated and lost for words. I march out of the cell without looking back, not really knowing why I didn't just kill him, not really realizing that I had just been tested.

* * *

Authors' note- Okay, so a little drama there at the end, hope we didn't scare you off. Thanks for reading, and reviews would be more than great to fill our boring lives with some excitement. Oh, and remember, WE LOVE YOU ALL LIKE A BROTHER! 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: A long time ago … we weren't even born yet and already George Lucas had created some of the best movies ever! Of course, after we were born we got to see Anakin … he's so hot.

Authors' Note- Sorry it's been a while since we last updated. We have an excuse! Kaely ran away to Mexico for a while and got a green Mohawk. (Okay, that didn't really happen, we just got lazy). Anyway, here's chapter 3!

**Thanks to: hEaRtS- **We're glad you think that way because we have another weird drinking part ahead! Thanks for the review. **The Mighty Possum- **DeShaun, you really suck. I'm going to tie you to a chair and FORCE you to watch Star Wars. (From Lauren.) Thanks for at least reading the story. We love pity reviews! (Kaely) **QueenMeep- **You think we're witty! You have no idea how cool that sounds coming to a couple of insane freaks who bought lightsabers for each other at Wal-Mart today! Thanks! **KillinBuddy- **_Okay_, we think you're a freak and we're really starting to wonder about you. Thanks for the review … it made us laugh. Weirdo. **InjuredPelican- **Fine, call it a Dramomedy! Humor is good with a plot attached. Kaely is the only one of us that actually writes the drama, so don't blame me! **Phantom'sJediBandieGirl-** Well thank you very much! (We love to be called clever.) **Fuzzybunny11889- **Thanks for the review Mae! Although, in all fairness, Lauren says you suck because Less Than Jake supposedly rocks and cows kick ass!

**This chapter dedicated to Bob the Tree and Jeanette, without whom it would _really_ suck.**

An Unexpected Guest

Chapter 3

I haven't gone back to Obi-wan's cell for a few days now. I can feel his presence like some dark, suffocating cloud constantly weighing on me, surrounding me…. It's so annoying!

I try not to think about him – the way he just barged into my life, causing me nothing but trouble, and ruining my party. It's just so hard though, not to really think about him, when there's still so much I want to yell and rage and storm at him for. I want to cause him as much pain as he caused me that night on Mustafar.

In the meantime, I settle for ignoring the pull of his presence in the Death Star and instead concentrate on tending to my plants, which really don't seem to be doing too well at the moment.

"Come on, Bob," I croon to a miniature potted pine tree. Its needles are falling out everywhere and Palpatine has been complaining about the mess. I've affectionately named it Bob, which is the Sith name that I would've had if I'd been given the choice. Obi-wan was right about one thing; 'Vader' is a pretty lame name. Somehow, though, I don't think old Sidious would have gone for 'Darth Bob.'

"You can do it," I say. "Come on, perk up."

As I give it some water, however, yet another branch breaks off. I don't think plants like space, and I suppose this will be my last attempt to brighten up the place. All for the best, really. I think the clones are allergic anyway; their sneezing was really getting on my nerves.

I throw the dead branches away and then move decisively down a silent corridor. Although I know I'll hate myself for doing it, I really do need to speak to Obi-wan. He's a prisoner, and however much I'd like to do otherwise, I can't just leave him down there without at least torturing him for information. As I start to walk to his cell, though, I see Palpatine running toward me. He's wearing a shower cap and holding his little, yellow, rubber ducky that he lovingly named Phil.

"Where are you going?" he asks, staring at me from those fruit punch circled eyes.

"To talk to Obi-wan," I sigh.

He looks angry and jealous for some reason before he replies abruptly, "You don't need to see Kenobi."

We are both silent for a moment as I ponder the reasons why he's acting so especially odd about me talking to Obi-Wan. Then, in order to break the uncomfortable silence, I say, "Hey, are you about to take a shower or something?"

"Yeah," he replies. "You want to join me?"

"Um … why would I want to do that?" I ask, starting to get a little freaked out.

"Well, er, we're, um, in a drought right now. I just wanted to help you save some water," he says with a wrinkly smile.

"Uh, thanks maybe later," I say, still trying to work out how we can be in a drought when we're floating around in space. "I really should go and see Obi-wan. Bye!" I run off hurriedly before the conversation could get any creepier. Sometimes I wonder about that Palpatine.

I walk along a series of dark corridors, my urgent need to see Obi-wan growing ever stronger with each step. As I walk, though, I begin to notice that the hallways seem strangely deserted today. I stop suddenly, listening intently through the annoying rasp of my breathing. I feel a hand close around my arm, and before I can move to attack, I am pulled through a nearby doorway. I start to twist around to face whoever it is that just grabbed me, but I'm give a heart attack (my heart is under all this metal _somewhere_) as cries of 'Surprise!' ring out at me from all directions. I turn to see Boba Fett standing next to me, and he quickly explains that they all decided to throw me a_ second_ birthday party because the first one was so rudely interrupted. After thanking my guests (a rare occurrence for me) I once again join in the festivities of a purely Dark Side ridden wild party.

I see that they've hung a vast disco ball from the ceiling; its shimmering light casts sparkling spots all over my suit. Palpatine has already arrived since our brief encounter in the corridor. He has done away with his shower cap and is now performing some odd (and slightly disturbing) moves on the dance floor. Using the force to propel himself through the air, he starts break dancing amid a circle of curious clones. They let out gasps of awe and disgust as he flings himself upside down and onto his head, spinning around to cause his robes to fly downward, exposing the whole galaxy to his scrawny, pale legs and his slightly torn underwear.

I feel bile creeping up my throat as I try not to vomit. Fiercely attempting to shield my eyes from this unpleasant sight, I duck over to the punch table where I grab a paper party cup full of some weird blue-green liquid and down the substance in one gulp through my mask.

As I'm admiring the taste of the juice, someone comes up behind me, throws his hands over my eye-holes, and at the top of his lungs, yells, "GUESS WHO?"

"Uh … Ki-Adi-Mundi?" I say, not having a clue who in the name of Force it could be.

"What? Who's that?" the stranger asks.

"Oh, well he was just this Jedi. He's dead now, but he had a weird shaped head and … uh … never mind." I finish lamely.

"You guessed that guy before me? I thought we were best friends!" he shouts, and then runs off crying before I can see his face.

_Who the hell was that?_ I think to myself.

Feeling completely disillusioned and still a little nauseas now with the foreign punch churning in my stomach (yes, that's somewhere in here too), I throw myself down into a nearby chair. For some reason, this party just doesn't seem as fun as the last. The cake looks just as delicious, the guests are as lively as ever, but none of it is really special or exciting in any way.

And then, I don't know if it's the punch or what, but I feel a sudden sense of foreboding, like something has gone wrong. I rise from my chair, feeling as if I need to look for something that I've somehow lost. Glancing under tables, and gaining strange looks as if I too had been break dancing, I begin to search for whatever is gone….

It hits me even before the seemingly terrified clone trooper begins to approach. Obi-wan has gone missing.

* * *

Authors' note- Okay, we know it's painfully short and we're not really all that happy with it, but chapter four should be better. Hopefully it'll be up sooner as well … we've been delayed lately due to fall break, which makes more sense in our minds than it probably does as we tell it to you. Thanks as always for reading, and reviews, well, we LOVE THEM! (For lack of sounding desperate). May the Force be with you all! 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: We wish we could have been brilliant enough to come up with lines like, "A Sith **_Lord_**?" but alas, we certainly are not. Thanks George Lucas, for great movies with the corniest dialog throughout every galaxy.

Authors' Note- Hey, we're making up for the crappiness of chapter 3 now. Hope you enjoy!

**Thanks to: hEaRtS- **We really like you! We should totally make Anakin drunk sometime, thanks for the idea. **QueenMeep- **Totally what we were going for … we live to creep you out. Thanks a bunch!** KillinBuddy- **Your reviews leave us speechless. (And we're not sure if it's in a good way.)** Possumruler and Fuzzybunny- **Stop reading our story. You insult us.** MercutioArcher- **You scare us slightly, but thanks for the reviews. Yay for Anakin, though! **Voldy's pink teddie- **That is the smartest review we've ever gotten. Why are you reading our story again? Well, thank you, you make us feel special. **Blusgr2- **Okay, read chapter three please. And Lauren says that she would not be like that when she's drunk. But I would totally get an HP tattoo. **Vaders apprentice darth squishy- **Here's chapter four, please don't burst … it would be yucky. **Sithlord- **The shower part is not that funny. Get over it. Just kidding! Thanks for loving our story!

An Unexpected Guest

Chapter 4

I march furiously through the countless rooms and never-ending corridors, desperately trying to find Obi-wan. I don't even know why I want to find him, really. He's annoying, he's over-bearing, and he ruined my party … again! I tell myself that he's a prisoner. I tell myself that I can't let a prisoner escape from my grasp - the grasp of the Dark Side. I tell myself that these are the only reasons why I'm tearing apart the Death Star to look for him.

As I finally reach out into the Force to somehow sense his presence, however, I am barred from any further pursuit due to one of those stupid little metal droid things that zooms around all the time on the ground (and whose function I still haven't figured out yet). I promptly trip over it as I round yet another corner, and land hard on the cold floor.

I don't know why I'm so upset, why I want to sink through the ground beneath me and just get away. I'm so confused, and my thoughts aren't helped at all by the sound of some incessant nibbling, like a small creature devouring left-over crumbs from the floor.

"Geez, walk much?" says a voice from behind me.

I spin around quickly to see Obi-wan snacking on chips of some sort and looking at me with an amused expression playing across his face.

"I knew I should have just killed you on Mustafar; it would've saved you the agony of trying to see out of that mask," he says as I scramble to my feet. "Not to mention that it would've saved _me_ the agony of having to watch you."

"Where have you been?" I choke. "How did you – where did you…."

"Oh, here and there," Obi-wan says cheerfully. "I knew I wouldn't be able to actually get out of this horrible contraption, but I did some exploring. Been following you around for a while … apparently the 'power of the Dark Side' has not made you any more perceptive. I mean, even when I covered your eyes –"

"What?" I break in. "That – that was _you_? But how did you get into the party?"

"You act like it was some exclusive affair," he says, leaning casually against a nearby wall. His calmness is really starting to get on my nerves. "Security here sucks, and those clones are unbelievably weak-minded and gullible."

I stand facing him in mild indignation, but before I can say anything he begins to speak again. "Still can't believe you didn't know it was me," he says. "I mean, I know it's been a while, Anakin, but _really_."

"My name is not 'Anakin,'" I grumble, irritated now, "and what does it even matter if I knew it was you or not?"

Obi-wan shrugs. "I guess it doesn't. Though, it was worth the fake crying to see, well, no expression on your face really…." He pauses. "I'm sure you were puzzled though, even if I couldn't see it."

"Whatever," I mutter, choosing to ignore whatever he's going on about. "I have to take you to Lord Sidious. He must know that you've been apprehended once more."

"Ahh, right," Obi-wan nods. "I suppose that _is_ procedure." He moves forward to stand beside me, and looks up at me expectantly.

I forget to move for a moment, somewhat shocked at this odd willingness to comply with my instruction.

"Why did you even bother escaping if you knew you'd just be caught again?" I ask.

"Well," he begins pensively, "I was bored, you hadn't come to visit in ages, and I smelled cake." He coughs as if clearing his throat, but I can swear it sounds suspiciously like the word 'Anakin.'

* * *

We finally start walking toward Palpatine's chambers, Obi-wan rambling on about nothing, and me desperately trying not to respond to his annoying questions.

"- and that is the reason why I chew gum now," he finishes. "Hey, can _you_ chew gum?"

I don't respond, hoping he will get the hint to shut up.

"Well then again, I don't really know how you could, what with that mask and all. Wait … how do you eat?"

I once again attempt to ignore him – definitely not an easy task.

"Do you eat through a tube or something? How do you brush your teeth? Anakin, do you even _have_ teeth?"

"SHUT UP!" I yell. "JUST SHUT UP FOR ONE MINUTE!"

He is silent for a moment, and then responds, "Well, that's not very nice, I was just asking a question."

'_Here we go again,'_ I think to myself.

"I do seem to remember," he starts, "that you, Anakin, sure asked a lot of questions as a padawan. And by the way, I never really wanted to train you; it was all Qui-gon's idea. Yep, I knew you would grow up to be evil. As a matter of fact, this one time -."

"So if you always knew I was going to go over to the Dark Side, then why did you seem so surprised when I actually did?" I say, breaking in with my own question.

Obi-wan pauses, to my immense relief, and then begins slowly, "Well, I suppose I just got too close to you. I mean, we'd been through just about everything together, hadn't we? I think I just started to go against my initial feelings. I began to believe that I could trust you with my life," he says simply.

I feel a sort of knot rising in my throat at these words. What is this – remorse? No, it can't be. I don't feel remorse anymore.

"So how do you get your helmet so shiny?" says Obi-wan suddenly, resuming his task of aggravating me. "Really, I can practically see myself in it. Is that what you do when you're bored n-"

"What is your problem?" I burst out, halting before the doors to my master's chambers.

"What did I say?" Obi-wan asks, an 'innocent' smile on his face.

"You – you're acting insane! Since when did you become so weird, irrational, and completely NUTS? I'm not stupid. This isn't you and you know it!"

"And is this you?" he says quietly. There is a long silence, and before I can even fathom an answer, he pushes open the door and I am following him through.

We enter the vast expanse of the room and are met with a high-pitched squealing. I search around for the source of this odd noise (which sounds something like "weeeeee") but am stopped suddenly as Obi-wan halts in front of me, causing me to run right into him. I follow his fixed gaze to see Palpatine spinning around in one of his many treasured chairs, laughing and pushing himself to go faster and faster.

I stare at him in pure shock, unable to articulate any speech. In front of me, I can hear Obi-wan start to laugh. I might have laughed with him if the situation wasn't so disturbing. As I manage to find my voice, I yell, "What the hell are you doing?"

Palpatine stops abruptly and falls off his chair. I rush over to help my lord and master, and all of the while I can still hear Obi-wan's annoying laughter.

"Are you alright?" I ask with genuine concern.

"I'm fine," he replies, "just help me up!" I offer him my hand and help him back into his chair.

"Uh, you can let go now," I say, trying to pry my hand out of his vice-like grip.

"Oh, yes, okay then," he says, releasing me. "Now then, why did you need to see me?"

"It's Obi-wan, my Lord, I have found him. I told you I felt him."

"Hmm," he begins slowly, "it is strange that I did not."

"Oh, well here!" I say, dragging Obi-wan over towards Palpatine. "There you go, feel him."

"Um, that's okay. But … can I feel you instead?" he asks hopefully. Obi-wan gives me a strange look.

"Er, _no_," I say, backing away slightly.

"So," Obi-wan chimes in, "is this what the mighty Sith do in their free time? I should've joined Dooku after all - spinning in chairs looks like fun."

"Kenobi," Palpatine replies coldly, "it looks like your escape was … _successful_," he says, his words dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh yes," says Obi-wan, "the food at that party was exceptional. Much better than that Bantha fodder they serve down in my cell."

Palpatine simply glares at Obi-wan for a moment, and I can feel the anger emanating from him at this insolence. Never taking his eyes off of the man at my side, he says, "I think we should kill him."

To my surprise, Obi-wan's smile doesn't even falter.

"With all due respect, my master," I begin, "Kenobi could very well be a vital source of information for our cause." Palpatine finally looks away from Obi-wan as he turns to face me. "The rebellion has been gaining strength for some time now, and as one of the last remaining Jedi, I think we may be able to … _persuade_ him to tell us something of importance."

Palpatine stares at me for a moment, seemingly trying to work up a response in his head. "Damn…." He mutters at last. "Fine, Lord Vader, I will allow that he stays until we can extract something of value from him. Take him back to his cell in the meantime, and _make sure_ that he can't escape again."

"Yes, my master," I say with a bow.

"_Yes my master_," I hear Obi-wan grumble in a mocking voice. "Gag me."

"_Shut up_," I whisper, pulling him back across the room.

"You know," he says, ignoring my obvious irritation, "a few plants in this place would really brighten it up a bit. It's just so _dark_."

I look over at him, pulling him once more through the doorway. He is glancing at the grey walls around us, each cast in irremovable, never-ending shadows. As the doors clangs shut behind us, as I lead him back to his holding cell, I consider telling him about Bob.

'_No_,' I think to myself. '_A Sith would not lower himself to such things_.'

"It's called the Dark Side, Obi-wan," I say brusquely.

'_The Dark Side...'_

* * *

Authors' note- Well, there it is! And it's longer … an added bonus! Don't break our hearts (or try to choke us to death with the Force, 'cause that just sucks), reviews are much appreciated. 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: George Lucas, you rock, I ran, and thank the Force for Star Wars!

Authors' Note- Why were there so little reviews for chapter four? Was it really that bad? Well, even if the story's bad, please review to say it's crap because we're desperate.

**Thanks to: Rono- **You loved chapter four! Good, we did too! No one else really seemed to like it as much. You have gotta be the coolest person ever! We were freaked out when you didn't review at first, but we totally understand and we appreciate that you've taken the time to review our fic. You're a wonderful reviewer, thanks!** QueenMeep- **We love that you loved that line! It was collaboration on both our parts so we're proud that you liked that particular one. Oh! And thank you so much for being such a loyal reviewer! **KillinBuddy- **We're too speechless to respond to your review.** MercutioArcher- **You are insane and you scare us! But your reviews make us laugh so keep it up and we love that you read our story. How the heck did Anakin's cologne crop up again? Just wondering…. Do Jedi even have cologne? **Red Paint- **You make us feel loved … you pity us!

**We love reviews! Thanks to everyone for reading and we hope you can just take a little time to respond. This chapter dedicated to KillinBuddy! Happy Birthday you wonderful, wonderful freak!**

An Unexpected Guest

Chapter 5

The walk back from Obi-wan's cell gives me a lot of time to think, and not just about the difficult task of brushing my teeth, which, contrary to popular belief, I _do_ have.

'_What am I doing with my life? Why am I doing this?' _I ask myself.

'_You're running the galaxy, you have brought peace and justice to the Republic,' _I say, trying to reason with myself, although I don't feel totally convinced. _'What Republic? There is no Republic anymore. Only this, this Empire... What are you _doing_?' _a small voice deep inside of me asks.

I quickly push these thoughts away, and as I do so I realize that I have no clue where I am. I look around for something familiar, but nothing looks remotely identifiable here. I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere. "This is all Obi-wan's fault," I mutter beneath my breath. "Before he showed up I could navigate my way through this stupid thing!"

As I'm frantically searching for some clue as to where I am, I see a storm trooper approaching me.

"Lord Vader!" he says. "I thought you'd be on your way back to the party by now. This one's going pretty late and everyone has been hoping you'd return after you caught Kenobi."

"Er, yeah, right," I say, trying not to be too obvious in having no idea where I am. "I was just on my way now."

"Oh, great!" says the clone, "Fett sent me out to look for you. I can walk back with you if you want."

Trying my hardest not to seem too relieved, while at the same time trying to restrain myself from strangling the trooper for the insinuation that I would _need_ someone to walk with me, I respond, "Sure."

So we start off together down the corridor, his random comments about the party thankfully drowning out any of the confusing thoughts I had had earlier. After a while, I begin to recognize some of the things around me and once again I feel comfortable and at ease. My clone escort is telling me about some of the practical jokes being put into place by my guests, who have apparently begun some sort of battle consisting of whoopee cushions and the like. I find it increasingly hilarious, as I'm reminded of my days as a Padawan when I used to play pranks on Obi-wan. However, then he mentions something that causes my stomach to turn over painfully.

"And as if that wasn't enough," he says in some tirade about a clone throwing a pair of underwear at Boba and screaming 'Hey look, the Emperor's stripping now!' "some of the guys also decided to pee in a cup of that punch on the table. We don't know what happened to it, though. It was greener than the others, but we turned around for one second and it was gone." He chuckles to himself. "Some poor idiot prob – er, Lord Vader sir?" he breaks off, looking at me with concern.

I have stooped in my tracks, a strong urge to vomit overwhelming me. '_I drank_ what?'

"Uh, are you alright?" he says.

I push him aside hurriedly and sprint to the nearest bathroom, leaving him stunned and confused behind me. Throwing open the door without any idea of how I would throw up into a toilet through this blasted mask, I dash inside and run straight into –

"Obi-wan!" I shout, frustrated and utterly confused to see him standing before me.

He rubs his head from the collision and then looks up at me and says, "Again, maybe you should consider a new mask or something. You really don't appear too adept at seeing through this one."

All thoughts of vomiting wiped from my mind, I stammer, "How the hell did you escape again? I made sure –"

"Ahh, only in your mind my young ex-apprentice gone evil!"

"How did you get out?" I demand.

"Now, Anakin," he begins in a voice of annoying superiority, "does a young Padawan (if there were any left) tell his master how he's cheating in his classes? Of course not, so why would I tell you this?"

"Because if you don't I'll torture you," I say with a menacing step toward him.

"Go ahead," he says, "but can you wait to zap me with your sparks until after my shower?"

I pause, confused at these words. "Y-your what?" I ask.

"My shower. To put it bluntly, I've been really smelly lately and I fancied a shower."

I stare at him. "There's no way I can allow you to take a shower … Kenobi," I add as an afterthought.

"Oh come on, Anakin, I really smell! Here, smell me," he insists, holding an arm in front of my face.

"I'm not going to smell you!" I say, appalled.

"Come on! Smell me! Wait … can you even smell? Do you still have a nose?"

"Oh shut up," I say, grabbing his arm roughly and bringing it closer. After a few sniffs I can only agree with the man.

"You smell repulsive," I say, dropping his arm.

"Told you."

"Fine," I sigh. "You can take a shower. I'll wait here to bring you back when you're done."

He starts walking to the end of the wide bathroom.

"But make it quick!" I shout to him. "Palpatine says we're in a drought!"

* * *

Obi-wan, totally ignoring my drought warning, emerges from the shower 25 minutes later.

"What took you so long?" I ask, annoyed.

"Well, I haven't bathed in so long, and it was just such a lovely shower!"

"Whatever," I mumble through my mask, "at least he smells better."

"Why was there a rubber duck in the tub?" Obi-wan asks with the most innocent expression I have ever seen. "Is that your ducky Anakin?"

I choke. _'Stupid Palpatine. I've asked him a million times not to leave Phil in the bathroom!' _

"I don't know what you're talking about," I lie. Obi-wan raises an eyebrow.

"_Sure_, Anakin."

We walk along in silence for a while, slowly proceeding toward Obi-wan's holding cell. As I'm desperately trying to think of a way to explain the rubber ducky, Obi-wan., out of nowhere, says, "Why did you guess Ki-Adi-Mundi?"

"W-what?" I stumble, surprised at the sudden topic change, not to mention the topic itself.

"When I covered your ey – er – eyeholes. Why did you guess Ki-Adi-Mundi? Really, Anakin, that Jedi has been dead for years," he says with a solemn, serious expression that I've almost missed for the past few days of his odd and sarcastic behavior.

"I don't know," I begin, "it was just the first name that came to mind. Why did you pretend not to even know what I was talking about?"

He shrugs. "I was in the moment."

Not understanding this statement whatsoever, I decide to ignore it rather than dignify it with a response. As we arrive at his cell, I instead ask, "What did he look like as a Padawan? Ki-Adi-Mundi, I mean. What was he like?"

"Why do you want to know?" says Obi-wan with a questioning glance.

"Just curious."

He continues to look at me weird, but eventually replies, "Well, I saw a holograph of him once as a Padawan. That head does not look good with a braid, let me tell you … very disturbing."

I nod absently, not sure, as I am about a lot of things lately, what I _did_ even ask. After absolutely _making sure_ that he can't escape again, I leave Obi-wan once more, my head weighed down with questions I don't know how to answer.

Snape.

* * *

Authors' note- Hey, thanks again for reading! No idea when the next one will be up, but find some lucky pennies and keep them safe somewhere until you have enough to afford some grand vacation. Okay, random, but it _is_ a good idea! Don't slaughter anyone like animals, and have a great day!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Yippee! Kudos to George for the return of that unbelievably scary expression for excitement! Where would we be without you?

Authors' Note- Chapter 6! Anyone looking to avoid more awkward, odd moments between Vader and Palpatine, well, I suggest you skip the end!

**Thanks to: Rono- **Cool! We hope we're about to make your decision even harder with chapter six! You're praise rocks, you rock! I like cows.** QueenMeep- **Very perceptive! You totally got it. Lauren still has yet to fully get it, so yay for you! More awkward moments with Palpatine to come!** KillinBuddy- **GOF rocks! You're the only one so far that's said anything about Snape! Oh yeah, and Lauren doesn't know what the heck 'GOF' means. **MercutioArcher- **I love your theory for how Anakin got his scar! I've been wondering about that…. You scare the crap out of Lauren. Thanks for reviewing! **RowenaIsolde- **Don't die! We need you to keep reading! Thanks!** ChaosMagician1- **YOU SOUND BRITISH! Please still read our story! Thanks for the review!** swiftykenobi- **So glad to make your day! Go Phil! **fire mage14- **Well, thaank you for the review!** Elena 22- **Wow, neither can we! **Princess-Aiel-** Palpatine does look like plastic … hmmm.

An Unexpected Guest

Chapter 6

I wake the next morning with the feeling that I never slept. All night I've been searching my brain for any way that Obi-wan could be escaping. Even now, my mind is muddled with insane theory after insane theory.

'_Maybe he whittled his toothbrush into the shape of a key,' _I propose to myself. '_Or he could've smuggled a family of Correlian mice onboard in his robe and has trained them to pick the lock with their tiny brown forepaws_...'

I am brought out of my musings when I hear a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" I ask.

"Boba," comes the response.

"Come in, come in! What are you doing here this early?" I say, hurriedly trying to put my cape on as he opens the door.

"Just stopped by to tell you about all the fun we had at the party last night! Why didn't you come back?"

Well, Kenobi escaped again, and then wanted a shower, and that pretty much took up the rest of my evening. I wish I could figure out how he keeps getting out," I say, vaguely aware of how this sounds like Obi-wan is a pet that keeps getting loose out by the vaporators or something.

"Hmm…," Boba begins, "Why don't you just throw another party and see if you can catch him trying to sneak in?"

I have a feeling that Boba is only saying this so that he can attend another party, but regardless of his intentions it _does_ sound like a reasonable idea.

"Alright," I agree, "tonight might work. I can station a few clones around the area to keep an eye out for him. Of course, I'll have to notify Palpatine first…."

"Uh, yeah, about that," Boba begins with an odd sort of involuntary shudder, "maybe you shouldn't invite Lord Sidious this time."

I feel a slight sense of anger and indignation. "What? Why not?"

"Well, er … um … never mind."

"No, what?" I press, anxious to hear why exactly Boba wouldn't want my master to attend. Although, in the back of my mind, a faint image of a graying pair of underwear is already taking shape.

"The break-dancing freaked me out, okay!" he snaps agitatedly.

I nod knowingly. "Alright," I sigh, "I won't tell Palpatine about the party if you don't let him know that Obi-wan got out again. Hey," I add, patting his shoulder as he gives me a still-shaken look of compliance, "it's okay. I promise you that you won't see him do anything like that ever again."

"Really?"

"I'll talk to him," I say reassuringly.

Boba takes a deep breath. "Okay, good."

He departs and I take a seat on my bed. _'Soon,'_ I tell myself. _'Soon I'll know how he's escaping.'_

But even as I set to work on planning for yet another party, a small voice inside of me says that I will never know. Even after all the years of working alongside Obi-wan, it seems that I don't know him anymore. Maybe I never did.

* * *

Throwing another party is easier than I thought it would be. All of the clones seemed quite excited at the idea of partying again instead of wandering aimlessly around the Death Star trying to look busy. They were also very secretive about the event around the Emperor. It seems that nobody wants a repeat of the last time.

This party looks almost better that the last two. The food smells delicious (although I will be avoiding the punch tonight), the music is great and best of all, I will finally discover how Obi-wan keeps escaping from his cell. I certainly didn't throw this party for cake and dancing … I have work to do. I see Boba over on the dance floor and I rush over to discuss my plan with him.

"Lord Vader," he greets, "ready for operation Bean Farmer?"

"Er, Bean Farmer?"

"Yeah, it's our code, cool huh?"

"Uh, sure, anyway … I'm going to start searching for Kenobi. Make sure all of the entrances are covered, alright?"

"Of course, sir. The operation shall commence."

Rolling my eyes, I stride off of the dance floor and head toward the long table crowded with cups of punch and platters of food. Perhaps if Obi-wan does find a way in, he will attempt to sneak up on me again. I station myself before the table, staring at it, unmoving, waiting. I reach out into the Force, letting it wash over me and guide my senses. As I near the border between concentration and an all out meditative trance, I at last feel someone approaching. Before he can reach out to tap my shoulder, I spin sharply on the spot and bellow, "Ah ha!"

A stunned and frightened looking general from one of the star ships backs away slightly. "Er, my apologies, Lord Vader. I didn't mean to, uh, startle you or something," he says, clearly fearing for my sanity.

I look at him for a moment, confused beyond belief. I could have sworn that Obi-wan, well, no matter.

Apparently my silence has done nothing to ease the general's obvious anxiety over my sudden outburst. All eyes in the now distinctly quiet room are upon us as he says, "You – uh – you've been standing in the same place for nearly 15 minutes, staring at that plate of shuura fruit."

I glance around at the guests, most looking fearful, others, like Boba, sniggering behind their hands. "Oh," I begin simply. "Well, er, yes. I was just - uh - I have to use the restroom. If you would please excuse me –"

I launch myself at the door, catching small parts of whispered conversations as I move past the countless staring eyes.

"He's so weird…."

"Can he even_ go_ to the bathroom?"

The peace and quiet of the corridor outside relaxes me slightly. I sigh, deciding that I should perhaps search for Obi-wan elsewhere, at least until the commotion at the party subsides.

'_Where would Obi-wan go?'_ I ask silently. _'If he's gathering information for the rebels, he would need to search somewhere important, go straight to the source.'_

"Palpatine," I mutter indistinctly as the solution suddenly dawns on me. "He would search Palpatine's office, his quarters."

Coming to a proper conclusion, I set off down the hall. The walk to his chambers is not a long one, but because I need to catch Obi-wan, I decide to take it at a run. I sprint heavily down the hall, my cape flowing out behind me. A couple of clones passing look at me like I'm crazy, but I could really care less. When I finally do reach Palpatine's chambers I am out of breath. As I'm about to knock on the door, Palpatine abruptly opens it.

"Geez, is something dying out here?" He says, referring to the heavy breathing slicing through my mask.

"No…." Wheeze. "I was just running…." Breathe. "I came to see you," I manage to choke out.

"Really?" his face lights up. "You came running to see me?"

"Uh, sort of," I say, finally getting my breathing under control. "It's Obi-wan, my Lord. I have reason to believe that he may try to break into your office and steal certain of the plans or documents that are pivotal to the survival of the Empire. May I come in and have a look around?" I say.

He gives me a slightly doubtful look, and I suppose he must be rather angry with me for even allowing the chance that Obi-wan could break into his chambers. To my surprise, however, his face cracks into a grin and he says, "Sure, come on in, I'll help you."

I walk past him as he holds open the door and enter the room. His chambers, as if they could be anything less, are immaculate, wide, and set for his formal dealings with the many systems of the galaxy. Although, as I look at his chair, I cannot erase the image of him spinning around and around out of my mind. That is, until something even more disturbing catches my eye.

"Uh, what's this?" I ask, picking up a doll that looks very similar to myself. "It kind of looks like me!"

"That's nothing!" Palpatine snaps, snatching the dark figure from my hands. "Uh … why don't we go to my bedroom?" he says, obviously trying to change the subject.

"What?" I say my mind still on the creepy doll.

"To find Kenobi. He could be in my bedroom."

"Why?"

"Well, I, erm, keep a lot of … important stuff in there," he says, winking at me for some reason and leading me toward it.

His room, hidden behind two menacing steel doors, is different than I expected. Judging from the office in the previous room, I would have pictured something more formal, more structured, and rigid. In this room, however, my eyes are met with a plethora of items I can only call exquisite. The walls are ornately decorated with all manner of artifacts from all over the galaxy. This is why I've always respected Emperor Palpatine. He has such a presence of unity, of open-mindedness that I never saw in the Jedi Order. He is so distinguished, and gives off an air of sophistication worthy of admiration.

"Well, he's not under the bed!" Palpatine screeches as he gets down on his hands and knees to search. He seems to be bending down pointedly, thrusting his butt into the air in my direction.

"Uh," I begin, "I think you have a stain on your robes."

He looks at me questioningly, appearing almost disappointed for a moment until I nod toward the red smear on his backside.

"Damn jelly doughnuts," he grumbles, turning around swiftly. "So, uh, Lord Vader," he starts again, awkwardly getting to his feet, "er, maybe you should come and sit on the bed."

"What? Why?"

He moves to plop down on the plush sheets of the enormous structure and says, "Well, obviously there's a much better view of the closet from here! The angle's perfect for spotting anyone inside. Come, have a look!"

I sit myself beside him and survey every inch of the closet from this position, my keen eyes desperate to find Obi-wan. Once I have discerned that he is nowhere in sight, however, I sigh and turn back to face my master – who is suddenly much closer to me now. I stare at him in surprise as he looks up at me avidly. Before I can begin to say anything though, the doors to the room open once more.

"Lord Vader, sir." It is Boba. "I heard you came down here to look for Kenobi, b-."

He breaks off suddenly as he registers the scene before him, and then, in an action that takes me completely by surprise, he begins to wail.

"Oh my – I-I'm sorry!" he shouts, covering his eyes. "Oh, oh, _eewww_! I, well, _EEEWWWW_!"

"Boba, what is it?" I exclaim, at a loss for why he's acting like such a deranged lunatic. But for all the good it does. He continues to holler and yell in jumbled, inarticulate sentences.

"Y-you _promised_! More bad images! Underwear…. And how do _you_ even …? No, no I don't want to know…."

"BOBA!" I boom over his endless, senseless words. "I did come here to look for Kenobi! Do you have any news?"

This approach seems to work somewhat well. He stops shouting at any rate, although his hands are still pressed firmly to his eyes.

"I –er- well, he's not-."

"Not what, Boba?"

"He's not, um, w-well at the moment. Got, erm, a cold or s-something. He never, um, left his cell."

With that, Boba rushes from the room, leaving Palpatine looking a little put out and me still baffled by his behavior.

'_Sick,'_ I think to myself. _'Obi-wan is_ Sick?'

* * *

Authors' note- Ha ha! Another chapter! I just realized that we say 'awkward' a lot. If awkward was Beetlejuice, we'd be talking to him right now! (Give me a break, it's late.) Anyway, thanks as always for reading and please review. Oh, and if you want to see what our thoughts are as we're writing each chapter, or even just what to find out who the hell Lauren and Kaely are, just check out our profile page. Save the world, plant a Bob. See ya! 


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Only George Lucas could show just how many things there are to have bad feelings about. A thousand times over, thank you.

Authors' Note- Sorry for the wait, Thanksgiving and school had us delayed!

**Thanks to: Rono- **We're glad you found this story to read too! Thanks for making our day yet again. **QueenMeep- **Toning humor down? Geez that hurt! _We_ thought it was funny! **KillinBuddy- **At least now you're reviewing for a reason! We're glad you've finally seen them!** MercutioArcher- **Lauren was too freaked out to comment.Kaely, however, loves your reviews almost as much as you seem to enjoy our story. They make me laugh, and althoughI don't necessarily do a happy dance, I'm excited to see your responses nonetheless.** ShadowCaster360- **We read all your reviews in a British accent now! Seriously, don't hate us. **swiftykenobi-** It's a humor story! Of course he's okay! We love your review! **Princess-Aiel-** Wow! We plan on going crazy too! Maybe we'll see you there. **Nano45- **Okay, here you go….** I'm so behind/Funky Chicken- **MR. ALWIN SUCKS!

An Unexpected Guest

Chapter 7

"You're _sick_?" I say to a disheveled, miserable looking Obi-wan twenty minutes later.

"What, I'm not allowed to be sick now?" he croaks, snorting up a trail of snot streaming from his nose. "I told you it was too damn cold down here."

"You can't get a cold from, you know, coldness. That's a myth."

"Hmm," gurgles Obi-wan, "I suppose you're right. It was probably one of the clones … I have a feeling they haven't been washing their hands before fixing my, erm, _food_. Probably don't even wear gloves…."

"You're a prisoner, Obi-wan," I say, sitting down opposite him on the cold floor. "They don't care if you get food poisoning."

"You know," Obi-wan begins in a way that causes me to think that he's going to completely ignore the point of this statement, "I don't think I want you to call me 'Obi-wan' anymore."

"What?"

"Well yeah, I mean, Anakin's dead, right? I'm gone too. How about the name … Ben?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Obi-wan?" I grumble, as usual annoyed by whatever it is he's trying to do.

"That would be Ben, thank you very much," he sniffs.

"I am not calling you Ben!"

"Fine, Anakin!"

"Don't call me that," I mumble.

"Really, Anakin, we've been through this before. Let's save ourselves some time and just agree to call me Ben."

"What does it matter?" I ask. "You're still just going to call me Anakin."

"True," he says, blowing his nose.

"And besides," I continue, "you can't just make up some new name on the spur of the moment!"

"Well then how the hell did you come up with 'Darth Vader?' I'm sure that didn't take much thought," he says.

"Well," I start, remembering how excited Palpatine was when he told me the origin of my name, "Palpatine actually spent a couple of years thinking up that one."

"A couple of years?" Obi-wan enquires.

"Okay, ten years. He likes to name things," I sigh, remembering back to the way he painstakingly named every clone that he met, which was invariably a lot.

"Wow, and I thought I had no life…."

I don't even bother defending my master against this comment. He really does need to get over that whole name thing.

"So anyway," Obi-wan begins, "is this the only reason you came down here: to watch me sneeze my brains out and then refuse to call me by my appropriate name?"

"Your appro- oh never mind," I sigh resignedly. "No, that is not the reason. I've been looking for you for a couple of hours, trying to figure out how you're escaping."

Obi-wan lets out a laugh that quickly turns into a hacking cough. "You've been looking for me?" he manages to choke. "Did it ever occur to you to look where you _locked me up,_ first?"

"That would've been too simple," I murmur.

"Apparently."

"Well, you've always been so – ."

"Why hello Lord Sidious," Obi-wan interrupts, and I have to turn around to see what he's talking about. Palpatine is standing directly behind me, holding what appears to be my cape.

I scramble to my feet and give a hurried bow while Obi-wan starts gagging from his side of the cell. Whether they are real or simply mocking gags, I cannot tell.

"My Lord," I stammer, "what brings you here?"

"Oh, I simply thought I'd return this to you, Lord Vader," he says, passing me the cape through the bars of Obi-wan's cell. "You left it in my room earlier."

"Right," I say. "Thank you sir."

Palpatine begins to back away slowly, casting odd suspicious glances between myself and Obi-wan. He finally exits after a stretch of uncomfortable silence, during which I fasten my cape.

I sit back down and Obi-wan says, "So that's why you joined the Dark Side."

"What?" I ask, feeling like I've missed something.

"I have to admit, Anakin, I'm a little offended. I mean, I certainly don't roll that way, but I at least have a better ass than Palpatine."

"What!" I yelp.

"And I'm less wrinkly. I would've been a much more attractive master."

"Okay, stop!" I say, gesticulating frantically as I try to comprehend what he's saying. "What are you talking about?"

"You and Palpatine," says Obi-wan as if it's the most obvious thing in the galaxy.

"What about me and Palpatine?"

"Geez Anakin, I'm not stupid," Obi-wan says as he rolls his eyes. "You were _in his room._ You were stripping _in his room_. Of course, I'm not quite sure where Padme fits in then. What happened there?"

"I was not _stripping_ in Palpatine's room. My cape probably just caught on something when I went after Boba - ."

"Fett was there too?" Obi-wan asks, looking, if possible, even sicker.

" I went down to my master's chambers looking for you," I explain, trying to rationalize the situation a bit. "Boba came to tell me … to tell me…." I pause, remembering Boba's stricken expression as he had entered the room. Obi-wan was obviously suggesting that there was something going on between me and Palpatine, which was absurd … wasn't it? The shower, the constant invites to his chambers, the weird looks, the bed – they couldn't be….

"Oh Force!" I bellow, causing Obi-wan to jump slightly in the midst of a sneeze. "No, that's, that's - ."

"Disturbing?" Obi-wan supplies.

"Yeah," I reply numbly.

"So then, there isn't anything going on there?"

"Ew, no!" I practically screech at him, still in disgusted awe of how I had never noticed any of this before.

"Oh good," Obi-wan sighs raspily. "I feel better already."

Somewhere inside I feel a slight prickle of annoyance. "Like you could even say anything if there was, Obi-wan!"

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, even the Padawans knew about you and Qui-gon!"

"But … how … I …" Obi-wan stutters. For once he has no clever response to my question. "I don't know what you're talking about," he says defensively.

"Really?" I reply smugly. I can tell that Obi-wan is shocked that I ever knew about his 'relationship' with Qui-gon, but really, it was so obvious. The way Qui-gon looked at him, the way they were always so close … quite a disturbing sight when you're ten.

I continue to smile smugly at Obi-wan. Although he can't see my smirk, I'm sure he knows that it's there. It feels nice to have all the power for a change.

"Okay, okay!" Obi-wan snaps suddenly. "It's not what you think! It was only a one time thing!"

"A one time thing?"

"It wasn't my idea, Qui-gon thought it would be fun. I didn't even know he was into guys! I didn't really want it to happen, but I just got carried away. He was so strong … I still remember the way his hands felt when – ."

I have to cut him off. "Okay, _way_ too much information! I really don't need to know all that," I say, getting a little grossed out.

"Hey, you're the one who asked!"

"So in other words," I begin, mind still reeling from this gag-worthy conversation, "you do 'roll that way.'"

"No, not really," Obi-wan states simply. "Qui-gon and I just had a special connection. Not an attachment, as that would be against the code," he rectifies, "but everyone experiments as a Padawan."

"I didn't," I correct him.

"Thank the Force for that," Obi-wan mumbles. "Your fascination with Padme was enough to cope with as it was." He pauses as if expecting me to say something, as if _knowing_ I'm going to say something. He draws me in and I hate it.

"How – I mean – how did she die? How did I kill her, Obi-wan?" It's rather random, I know, but I have to know what happened. I failed her, and somehow after all these years I can't let go of that. Obi-wan looks at me for a moment, and it is curious how unsurprised he is that I've brought the conversation from disturbing drabble about his sordid affairs as a Padawan, to her – to Padme.

"By becoming what you are, Anakin," Obi-wan says quietly. "By not trusting us, by lusting for power. You killed her when you tried to save her."

"But, erm, Palpatine said that out of my rage I - ."

"Well, you _did_ try to strangle her for a moment there," says Obi-wan, a little more lightly than I would have expected or appreciated. "I mean, 'breaking my heart?' More like 'breaking my throat….' That's not what killed her though. She simply didn't have you to live for anymore."

I can't say anything. Somehow the words have vanished from the surface of my tongue. I remember Padme crumpling under my hold that day, I remember feeling her, still alive, and I remember Palpatine telling me I killed her. Thoughts swarm through my mind, indistinguishable, loud, and confusing. And all the while Obi-wan is surveying me with the most peculiar expression on his face, as if he sees something he had never noticed before.

"Stop staring at me!" I burst out at last. "It's creepy."

"Right," he mutters, not appearing to really register what I've said even as he turns to wipe his nose for the umpteenth time.

"Listen, uh," I begin awkwardly, "Can I, you know, stay here for a while longer? Only, I really don't want to face Palpatine at the moment…."

"Fear is a path to the D- oh yeah, you're already there," Obi-wan shrugs. "Sure, what do I care? It's your blasted ship."

"Oh, yeah, er, I know." I lean back heavily against the bars of his cell, preparing to immerse myself once more in deep thoughts I have yet to understand. But of course, Obi-wan has reverted to his ceaseless, pointless questions.

"You wouldn't happen to have some Nyquil, would you?" he asks. "Hey Anakin, how do you take medicine? When you sneeze, does snot get all over the inside of your mask? Wait, did you ever tell me if you _did_ still have a nose…?"

I don't answer him and I don't stop him. I would take even Obi-wan's relentless questioning over Palpatine pinching my butt again any day.

* * *

Authors' note- Okay, so there's a lot of odd and _awkward_ gay moments in our story. Sorry if we're freaking anyone out … it just comes to us. This is not an Obi-wan Anakin story though, so that might be of some consolation. Anyway, remember not to come in too hot when you're landing your ships and have a great week! 


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: For making us all wonder how in the name of Force Anakin could make a droid with a British accent, thank you George Lucas!

Authors' Note- Yeah, so the first part of this chapter kind of actually happened … not in a weird disturbing sort of way, but more in a slap-happy tired state after watching three Star Wars movies back to back sort of way. Lauren would just like to say that she is Darth Vader in this portion of the story. Here you have it! Chapter 8!

**Thanks to: Rono- **He wasn't gay! It was just a one time thing!** QueenMeep- **I can totally relate to the whole 'mostly on accident' thing! We loved this review, it was back on par too! **KillinBuddy- **Well, uh, here it is.** MercutioArcher- **Lauren describes you as herself on drugs. I love the tap-dancing spiders … very Harry Potter.** ShadowCaster360- **Seriously, are you British? Thanks for the praise!** swiftykenobi-** We would actually choose Anakin's butt over anyone's, but as it's burned, Obi-wan's butt rocks! **Princess-Aiel-** You are our reason for living! We can go to the asylum now, our life is complete! Thank you. **Purple shoe- **You are banned from reading our story until you learn the difference between Star Trek and Star Wars.** blusgr2- **Lauren calls you short. And like Angelica had any sanity left anyway.** ILUVZIM- **That's a hilarious idea! That Palpatine loves his chairs….

An Unexpected Guest

Chapter 8

"Quit touching me Obi-wan!" I yell. My previous decision to spend the night in Obi-wan's cell for the sake of avoiding Palpatine is not looking like such a good idea at the moment.

"I'm not touching you - my hands are right here, see? _See?" _he replies, waving his hands around through the dark air of the cramped cell.

"Well your back is, move over!"

"I'm against a wall, I can't move. Why don't you move?"

"Fine," I say, scooting over and taking the pillow with me.

"Hey," says Obi-wan with an air of irritation as he sits up and yanks the pillow back over to his side. "That's my pillow, get your own!"

"No, I like this one, it's soft," I say. "Let's just share the pillow."

"Fine, just go to sleep," sighs Obi-wan.

It doesn't take long for me to fall asleep, drifting into semi-pleasant dreams as all of the new information from the day takes it toll and leaves me exhausted. Unfortunately for me though, I am woken up much too early by a small pinging noise of something hitting my helmet. I open my eyes and see Obi-wan tossing, what appears to be small mints, at me from across the cell. I leap up quickly and ask, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Well honestly, I was trying to throw a mint in your mouth," he explains with an exuberant grin.

"Why would you do that?" I ask, my mouth curiously and pleasantly minty.

"To be perfectly blunt, your breath smells."

"W-what?" I ask, shocked.

"Really, Anakin, it's not that hard to figure out. You have really bad morning breath and every time you breathe, well, _eewww," _he says cheerfully.

"Oh," I say, surprised that Palpatine never said anything to me about it, and even more surprised to think that he would ever be that close to me to tell me about it.

"I slept horribly last night," Obi-wan says, stretching.

"Really, why?" I say, wondering why I care enough to ask.

"Well, I had to sleep in the same position all night, my back is sore," he says.

"So why didn't you just change positions?"

"Are you kidding me?" Obi-wan asks incredulously. "How awkward would that be, waking up five inches from your face? I already told you your breath stinks, it's loud and utterly annoying, and with that mask on I can't tell if you're asleep or just staring at me while _I'm_ asleep."

"Don't flatter yourself," I mumble. "You're not that interesting. Where did you get mints anyway?" I add, just now realizing how simply odd it was that Obi-wan would manage to obtain such a thing, being a prisoner and all.

"Oh, well those clones are very conscious of that sort of thing," says Obi-wan with a shrug, now going to lean casually against a wall. "They all have a pack on hand just in case."

"A clone, but that would mean –." I feel my mouth drop open slightly as realization hits me. "You snuck out _again_? But – but I was right here!"

"Yes," Obi-wan nods solemnly. "You know, either your breathing is so loud you couldn't hear me leave, or you've simply lost your touch. Maybe you're not as Force-sensitive as you used to be."

"What?" I ask, my impatience and annoyance blossoming slowly into anger. "I have not _lost_ anything. I could kill you right now!"

"So why don't you?" he asks in a petulant sort of reply.

I pause. That's actually a really good question. I_ could_ kill Obi-wan. He has done nothing but annoy me, lecture me, and pester me my entire life and all of the time he's spent here. I don't honestly sense that he has any valuable information for the Empire, so why not just get rid of him?

"It would be too easy," I say decisively. "There would be no challenge. It – it's beneath me."

"Hmm …," Obi-wan begins, classically and annoyingly stroking his beard. "I suppose I can understand that. Only, if I may make a suggestion, I would say that you'd be better off just doing it now." He pops a mint in his mouth to ease the coughing that plagues him with his cold. "You know, so you don't end up losing the other half of your body when we fight again."

The affect of this comment is instantaneous. I draw my lightsaber, pausing the humming blade at Obi-wan's chest. He backs up slightly against the wall, but never loses that smug smirk on his face.

"Fine," I say. "We'll go to Palpatine's office and retrieve your lightsaber. Then I'll show you what a Sith really is.

* * *

As we walk to Palpatine's chambers once again, I begin to really regret this plan. Obi-wan won't stop bothering me with odd, taunting threats, he mocks Lord Sidious, and Palpatine really doesn't seem to like him for some reason. Actually, Palpatine doesn't like it when I visit him or talk to him, or –. I stop walking, which causes Obi-wan to run into me. Was Palpatine jealous? Did he think something was going on between us? I gag.

"What are you doing?" Obi-wan asks.

"Uh … nothing. I just had a disturbing thought …," I say, more to myself than to Obi-wan, and start walking again.

"Okay," breaths Obi-wan, resuming his long-winded speech about the rules of our imminent battle and about how he's going to cut off all of my arms and legs … again, "so no lava this time, alright? It was really hot and I had to get new clothes afterward. Not to mention that that whole getting your skin seared of thing definitely does not look fun. Actually, I've been meaning to ask you – ." He is cut off as he sees Boba approaching us.

"Hey," Obi-wan yells, "it's Boba Fett himself! Geez, you're on the Death Star a lot for just being a bounty hunter."

Boba stops walking and looks like he's about to respond, but he turns instead to face me. "Er, hi Boba," I stammer. He looks sick and ready to run off at any moment.

"Does it ever bother you to be wearing the suit your dad died in?" Obi-wan continues. "How did you get the body out? It seems like it would smell…."

"Boba, do you know if Lord Sidious is in his rooms?" I ask before realizing that what I said could be taken badly.

He stares at me for a moment before saying, "Why do you…? Oh, _sick_! Bad mental image! And with Kenobi too? Disgusting!" Obi-wan gives me a curious look. "I've got to get out of here!" Boba screams as he turns to bolt off in the other direction.

"So," Obi-wan begins, "does that mean the Emperor is in or – ."

"Shut up."

"What was that even about, Anakin?"

"N-nothing," I lie. "Boba is just, um, fooling around. Yeah, we have lots of fun here on the Death Star!"

"Yeah, I'm sure you do," Obi-wan replies. "But back to the fight. You_ are_ going to be fighting with your red lightsaber, right? Because last time it just got too confusing…."

"Oh, finally," I mutter, spotting the infamous doors to Palpatine's chambers and lengthening my stride to reach them sooner. I ignore Obi-wan's protests as he pursues me for my answer.

Palpatine looks immensely relieved when I barge into the room, looking up from the papers before him and cracking an odd, crusty grin. It unnerves me for some reason.

"Ahh, Lord Vader!" he exclaims jovially, acknowledging Obi-wan's presence with a contemptuous nod. "I've been looking for you everywhere – you weren't in your room last night."

"Y-you went to my room?" I ask, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with Obi-wan sniggering behind me.

"Well of course! I hadn't seen you all night and, uh, you know, I wondered where you were." He looks at me imploringly, silently asking me for an explanation.

"I just decided to stay the night in Kenobi's cell," I say, trying to remain casual as Palpatine's crinkled eyes widen slightly. "I figured that after his second escape he needed tighter security, and what with the clones being so easily manipulated …." My voice trails off into the uneasy silence.

"Yeah!" Obi-wan chimes in, giving me a foreboding feeling that he is about to make the situation even worse. "But I have to tell you, Anakin here is a real pillow-hog." I feel a cold sweat break out all over my face. "I'll never understand why he didn't just get into a different bed. I mean, there was one free in the cell directly across from mine. Why was that, Anakin?" he finishes, turning toward me inquiringly.

I glare at him as Palpatine goes even paler than he usually is.

"You, er, shared a bed?" my Lord asks.

"Well, yes my master, but his pillow was really soft," I insist. Obi-wan's relentless smile is burning into me.

"I-I see." His face seems to fall.

"Um, listen sir, I, erm, brought him here to retrieve his lightsaber. I want to fight him, you see," I add hurriedly at the shocked expression he is wearing. "He has nothing useful for us, and is simply a waste of space now."

"Why not just kill him then?" Palpatine asks skeptically, strolling to stand before Obi-wan and facing him with a defiant sort of hauteur.

Obi-wan responds by sneezing in his face.

"Oh, gross!" Palpatine yelps, throwing back his hood and wiping frantically at his face.

"My apologies of course," Obi-wan starts with a grin. He pauses though, gazing curiously at Lord Sidious' head. "You have a rather large bald spot, you know. I don't think I ever really noticed it before…."

Yanking up his hood and glaring at Obi-wan with a certain venomous fury, Palpatine whips out a lightsaber from the inside of his cloak and presses it into Obi-wan's outstretched hand. As he passes my shoulder on the way to his quarters, he hisses into me ear, "Kill him."

* * *

Authors' note- Okay, now this should be one of our last chapters. Yes, sorry to say it, but we are almost finished! Now, we're trying to work on a couple of new stories but we need some ideas. We're doing a Star Wars/Harry Potter crossover, just for the benefit of making fun of Snape of course, but we really want to work on more Star Wars humor stories as well. If anyone has any requests, ideas, or challenges, please share! As always, please review, and happy freakin' cold December to everyone! Find someone with a bald spot and have a great day! 


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: For inventing a button that has seemingly thousands of uses and purposes, thank you George Lucas. We officially owe our insanity and our non-lives to you.

Authors' Note- We may be a little delayed for a while due to the holidays and such, so don't panic (as I sound completely conceited here) because our lack of things to do will eventually cause us to post again as soon as possible.

**Thanks to: QueenMeep- **You put the 're' back in review!** KillinBuddy- **Your pillows weren't soft.** MercutioArcher- **Well I can see we'll be taking you to our next story! The Death Star is the party center of the galaxy!** ShadowCaster360- **Alright, alright. Er, so just out of curiosity, what's your favorite dessert? And, you know, do you like the Beatles? Hey, just wondering, what is the capital of your country? Thanks for the review and have a good (rainy?) day! **Princess-Aiel- **You suck … Colorado's cold. Thanks for reviewing! **Bean-Bean- **Give Star Wars a chance! Inyuasha sucks. **nicoley117- **People look at us weird all the time, especially when we play with the lightsabers we bought each other for Christmas. **Vika- **Everybody's insane, they just don't know it yet! **Jediklutz- **Uh, thanks.** padmenaberrie32- **Congrats for noticing the Snape insert … not many people commented on that. It's some weird inside joke. You're slightly scary, but we like you and thanks for the reviews.

An Unexpected Guest

Chapter 9

"Okay," says Obi-wan as we begin pacing in a circle, sizing each other up, "now when I say, 'I have the high ground,' I mean, '_I have the high ground_,'alright? Did you understand me? You sure you heard me clearly this time?"

"I got it!" I snap, involuntarily flinching at the invisible flames of the past.

"Alright, I just thought I'd make sure. Wait a moment!" he adds, stopping suddenly and looking quite annoyed. "Why do we always do the circling thing?"

"What?" I say, also coming to an abrupt halt.

"_This_!" Obi-wan says, making odd circling hand gestures to indicate how we had just been pacing. "It makes me dizzy!"

"I don't know," I reply. This had never occurred to me before. Why _do_ we circle all the time? "Er, you want to just start fighting then?" I ask.

"You're asking me if I just want to start fighting? Really Anakin, have I taught you nothing? You don't ask your opponent if he's ready to fight you just, you know, _do it_!"

"I was only saying that because –," but I am cut off as Obi-wan lunges at me, lightsaber glowing in hand. I am caught off guard, but manage to block his attack in the knick of time.

"Hey!" I yell. "I wasn't ready!"

"Geez Anakin, that was my point in attacking you. Joining the Dark Side sure seems to have made you rather soft."

"Soft?" I ask, outraged.

"Yup, at least when you were a Jedi you were more prepared for battle."

"I have gained more power as a Sith than I ever could as a Jedi!"

"Yeah, I'm sure you have Anakin. By the way, is it hard to walk with fake legs?" Obi-wan asks innocently.

"I have -," I begin only to change my mind mid-sentence. Why bother even responding to that? "Say what you will Obi-wan, it won't change the fact that I am going to destroy you at last."

"Only if you squish me with your big stupid legs…," I hear him mutter grimly as he lunges for another attack.

Ready for it this time, I dodge swiftly to avoid the brilliant blue blade. Soon we are engaged in a fierce battle, my breath coming in steady, wheezing gasps and our blades slicing through the air in two imperceptible blurs. The swiftness with which Obi-wan parries each blow surprises me somewhat. I know that I am certainly not as in shape as I used to be and I half-expected that he too would be more inclined to defend himself with mere futile taps and waves, especially under the weight of a cold. It appears, however, that Obi-wan is as skilled as ever, moving in the calculated, infuriating manner that I've come to know and hate. I aim to catch him in the leg as he leaps upon Palpatine's desk, but he tumbles aside, causing my blade to instead cut right through the enormous thrown-like chair on the other side.

"Yikes," says Obi-wan with a grimace as I myself hear the forthcoming echoes of a screaming, raging Master Sidious. "I doubt Palpatine will appreciate that."

I stare into his now broadly grinning face and shrug. "I'll just tell him you did it."

To my utter bewilderment, Obi-wan rolls his eyes before sighing, "See, this is why you're on the Dark Side … can't even take responsibility for your own actions."

"Really?" I challenge. "I thought it was because I was betrayed by those I thought I could trust." I bring my lightsaber down quickly as he moves to strike on my left. "I thought it was because the woman I loved was about to be taken from me."

He spins on the spot, catching my next blow before it has a chance to reach its target, and then pauses to gawk at me in disbelief. "Wow, your thoughts are really off. How the hell did you come up with those conclusions?"

I am forced backward toward the chamber doors as Obi-wan drives inexorably forward, battling fiercely against each of my attacks. "I mean, we didn't kill _your_ children," he continues. "How did you do it, Anakin? What did you say – '_here little younglings, I'll give you some candy before I cut off your heads_?'"

"Would you cut it out with the younglings already!" I shout, stopping suddenly before Obi-wanwho takes this momentary lapse to grasp at a stitch in his side."I mean, come on!_ 'Killing younglings! What was that, he killed younglings? I can't believe he killed_ younglings!' I slaughtered an entire village of sandpeople too, and nobody's complained about that!"

"So that's why they don't like me," Obi-wan mutters pensively.

I start to respond, not exactly sure what I want to say, but am saved the agony of doing so as a completely new sensation takes over. I'm hot. All of a sudden I feel a sort of tingling burn and flashbacks of lava rivers, flaming debris, and barren landscapes invade my mind.

"Uh, Anakin," Obi-wan says, "you're on fire."

"What!" I cry. He points mutely to my cape which, sure enough, is crawling with ravenous flames. I tear it off in a complete moment of panic and throw it to the ground to stomp out the spreading fire.

"Stupid Palpatine and his stupid candles," I grumble, blowing out the slim pink tapers with a mere breath.

Obi-wan stares at me, apparently dumbfounded. "And you didn't know he was gay?"

"Just drop it Obi-wan." I swing my lightsaber forward, and once more we are caught in a ferocious battle, bursting now through the double doors and into the corridor beyond.

We continue to fight mercilessly down the long corridor, our lightsabers glowing blindingly bright amid the dim light of the Death Star. I want to win this fight so badly, to show Obi-wan that I have become more powerful, to get him out of my life forever. I had finally gotten used to my life, had started to forget the past and move on. All he's done is confuse me, and although I know killing him will not help in the slightest now, I don't care.

Somehow we manage to reach the end of the hallway with all of our limbs in tact. Unfortunately for me, however, Obi-wan has also managed to back me into a corner.

"Ready to give up yet?" he asks, panting.

Out of the corner of my eye I glimpse I doorway standing just to my right. "Not a chance!" I yell, and side-stepping him quickly, I throw open the door and rush inside. Obi-wan follows me closely, but neither of us is prepared for what we see next: everyone on the Death Star having another outrageous party. We are both too shocked to move. A clone notices us standing there, lightsabers glowing, mouths open, and stops the music.

I look around at this party that I wasn't invited to. All I can say is, "What? You threw another party _without me_?"

"Well," another clones starts timidly, "you wouldn't have been able to come anyway. Lately you've been spending all your time looking for Kenobi, or talking to Kenobi, or even apparently sleeping with Kenobi to do much else, sir." I see Boba Fett over by the punch bowl as he squirms uncomfortably.

"So you threw a party WITHOUT me?"

"Wow," starts Obi-wan, "and I thought you were in charge of the Death Star."

"Shut up Obi-wan," I say turning toward him, still brandishing my lightsaber.

"Well, it looks like a lovely party, but I'm afraid I won't be able to attend this one," Obi-wan says at large. "I'd love to come, but I currently need to re-chop off all of Anakin's limbs." I am reminded that Obi-wan and I were previously engaged in a lightsaber fight.

"Wait!" I hear an urgent, familiar voice call out. The clones surrounding Obi-wan and I let out a collective groan as Palpatine rushes forward. "Lord Vader, you have to listen to this song!" I see Obi-wan grinning expectantly but am too baffled as to how Lord Sidious got here so fast to make any sort of retort.

Palpatine struggles with an ancient-looking device and a couple of large discs before a foreign tune finally reaches my ears. "Just came in from some galaxy far far away," he says proudly. "Listen closely to the lyrics – they really speak to you."

I do as he instructs and listen to the lyrics as Obi-wan, his face glowing blow in the light of his still-ignited blade, breaks into hysterical laughter. "I don't get it," I say, completely nonplused. "What does it mean by 'open my mouth wide?' Fit what inside? _What_ are they swallowing?"

Obi-wan sighs heavily and says, "Alright, time-out." He turns off his saber and I follow suit to signify the temporary truce. After much deliberation to decide where exactly he should stand to do so, he begins whispering a few choice words toward my ear.

It's the last straw. "Okay, ew!" I bellow, and the room is filled with the oddly magnified sound of my voice. "Listen, my Lord," I say more calmly, turning to Palpatine who abruptly cuts the offending music, "I don't like you like that, alright? I mean, you're really nice and everything (to me anyway) but I just don't feel _that way_ about you. You've always been a friend and a mentor to me, nothing more. Besides, I'm not gay." I see Boba grab at his chest in what I can only assume is relief.

Palpatine, however, appears stricken. I watch helplessly as he opens and closes his mouth a few times, apparently not yet able to say a word. He compromises by simply walking off in the opposite direction, the disturbing discs and foreign device clutched tightly to his chest. I start to follow him, intending to explain in some way, but a sneeze from behind me brings me back to my senses. Obi-wan … I was fighting Obi-wan.

In a synchronistic move, we both draw our lightsabers once more and the clashing collisions of blade against blade ring jarringly throughout the silent room. I force him backward and into the corridor again, dealing each blow with a renewed fervor. From behind the door that has just closed after us, the party is already regaining its intensity.

* * *

Authors' note- Again, we need more ideas for stories! Next chapter will most likely be our last, with the exception of an epilogue of course, and we need to get going on another story. Until next time, happy holidays, gift us with a review, and make sure to decorate your Bobs if you have them. (If not, name a menorah 'Bob' and be good to it). 


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: For hiring an actor with an annoying dot on his head that has provided us with three movies of entertainment, go George! Ewan McGregor rocks…. Oh, and for the disturbing lyrics witnessed in Chapter 9, thank you Nine Inch Nails and Trent Reznor (Snape).

Authors' Note- Alright, sorry for the lengthy delay, but Christmas and finals are not a good combination if you want to get something posted. Special tribute to second period, a free hour that is responsible (in all its boringness) for the birth of this story, and which will be sorely missed…. Hot pretzels.

**Thanks to: QueenMeep- **That means so much to us that you would take the time to go out of your way and respond. Thanks for all the positive feedback!** KillinBuddy- **So, do you get 'Bob has little fishes,' yet? LESS THAN JAKE KICKS ASS!Those wonderfully entertaining lyrics from an inside joke worthy experience, were from the song 'The Collector.' **MercutioArcher- **We don't want to finish it either, which is why we need ideas for other stories! Sorry we made you choke. Lauren in particular has a special talent for that.** ShadowCaster360- **OMG! We love cheesecake! And D.C. is weird…. Anyway, uh, where were you born? You know, just out of curiosity. Do you have tea in the afternoon? Ideas would be great, farewell to you too! **Princess-Aiel- **We hope you found your brain medicine, and we hope that this break has given you time to recover! **padmenaberrie32- **Glad you liked it. Some people just don't understand Star Wars**. SabeTyran- **_We_ bow down to _your _review! Geez, thanks! Of course, we're both very sorry for almost killing you. Lauren especially does have that tendency. **swiftykenobi- **Total genius of my buddy Kaely! Those pink candles … you gotta love them.** Rono-** Yeah, we were kinda worried at first when you didn't review! Glad to see you're back! We can't pick our favorite either … you're the best! **Jedi X-man Serena Kenobi- **We're glad it made you laugh.** I'll give you one guess-** Don't care, good day.

An Unexpected Guest

Chapter 10

I have pursued Obi-wan down blank corridor after blank corridor and still he has not tired, not slipped up, not provided any opportunity for me to succeed in killing him. It's so like him to be so good at this, even after hacking up mouthfuls of phlegm which he promptly and disgustingly spits on the ground at my feet in an obvious attempt to make me gag (or just slip in). It somehow doesn't surprise me to find him nowhere in sight now when I follow him into one of the many seemingly pointless rooms aboard the Death Star. As always, it is unhelpfully dark in this room and I decide to keep to the numerous shadows in hopes that if I can't see Obi-wan, he can't see me either.

After several long minutes of skulking around corners and tip-toeing rather loudly through the dark, I spy movement ahead of me. Obi-wan shifts uncomfortably in his current stance, his back toward me and his figure silhouetted against an immense circular window that appears to look out over nothing. I pause before approaching him, surprised by how meditative he looks at the moment – the moment before I will kill him. I sneak as quietly as possible, every second bringing me closer to achieving my goal….

"I can _hear_ you, Anakin," he says suddenly without turning. I stop in my tracks as he continues, "If you plan to sneak up on someone, I'd hold your breath next time."

I don't say anything, but grumble slightly at my stupidity and my cacophonous breathing. Slowly I approach him, not bothering to try and engage him in battle, and taking advantage of the momentary lapse in running and jumping and fighting. I stand beside him, and it is a moment before I realize he is unarmed, his lightsaber clipped safely at his belt. Now is the time and I know it. If ever I was to kill Obi-wan Kenobi, this was my chance. Something stops me though. For some inexplicable reason, I can't move my arm to strike the final blow. I shut off my saber, for the time-being of course, and stare at him in pensive silence.

"That was probably a really stupid move. You do know that, don't you?" Obi-wan says slowly.

"Yeah, I do."

He sighs, deeply, heavily, tiredly. "Why couldn't you trust me, Anakin?"

The question doesn't even surprise me for some reason. It's as if I always knew he was going to ask it, bringing out my doubts, my fears, and my mistakes. Still, all I can manage to say is a rather unintelligent, "What?"

"I would have trusted you with my life, and I often did. Was it at least worth it?" He turns toward me and I can't help but notice a certain sort of pleading shadow in his eyes.

It makes me uncomfortable.

"Was, er, what worth it?"

"_This_," he exclaims in a simple word that stings far more than it should. "All of this and all that you left. Betraying a family that you knew for more than half of your life to destroy a family that you hadn't even created yet."

I want to protest, I want to come back with accusations of the Jedi Order betraying _me. _I want to scream at Obi-wan for having the nerve to lecture me yet again, about something that he couldn't ever possibly understand. But the words won't come this time. I know enough to know now what I have lost, and his question is not a lecture, it's just a question, one that I don't have an answer for just yet.

He stares at me for a moment longer and then seems to almost stare past me, his eyes widening as he swiftly draws his lightsaber. Thinking that he has suddenly decided to pick up the battle once more, I re-ignite my blade as well. It appears however, that a fight with me is not what Obi-wan is seeking at the moment. After a few prolonged seconds of nothing happening, I turn in search for some reason for his behavior and finally spot a clone – one clone – standing some distance behind me.

"Er, my apologies sir," the clone begins awkwardly. "I, uh, wasn't aware that you'd be using this facility at the moment."

I hardly even register a word of what he's saying. My mind is with Obi-wan, who is glaring at the clone with a seething venomous fury I would not have thought possible of him.

"That's him, Anakin," he mutters through gritted teeth. "That's the clone that killed Boga!"

"Boga?" I ask, wondering if this is some Jedi Knight that I had somehow never heard of.

"The dragon mount I acquired on Utapau when I went to kill Grievous."

"_Dragon mount_?"

"It was a giant lizard," Obi-wan states more simply.

"Wait, why was there a giant lizard?" I ask confused.

"Well I had to get around on that planet somehow, and giant lizards were the primary mode of transportation," he says defensively.

"So you really used a lizard? Why couldn't you just walk?"

"If you're so-" But Obi-wan is cut off when we hear the clone-trooper trying clumsily to sneak away from our argument. "And just where do you think you're going?" Obi-wan asks, staring pointedly at the clone.

"Uh … I don't want to disturb your battle with Lord Vader," the clone says nervously.

"How do you even know that this is the clone that killed, uh, that lizard thing?" I ask Obi-wan. "They all look alike!"

"I know," Obi-wan says coldly. "I just know."

"So what are you going to do to, kill him?" I ask. The clone looks frightened at my words. "A Jedi does not take revenge, Obi-wan."

He gives me a contemptuous glare, obviously annoyed by my mocking comment. For a moment it seems almost natural, almost normal between us with me irritating him for once. I can feel the shadow of a smirk cross my face, and although it's so foreign, so nearly forgotten, it also feels right in a way. I have barely enough time to process this, however, before the clone moves once more.

"Stop _doing that_!" Obi-wan shouts, and to my surprise he actually starts toward the clone before seemingly remembering just who exactly he is. I've never seen him this angry, and all because of a lizard?

"What is with you?" I ask to Obi-wan's back as he stiffens, still glaring at the trembling clone. He doesn't say anything and I can tell he is struggling to come to a decision, struggling to regain his Jedi composure. "Oh Force, Obi-wan just do something!"

I stride forward and, out of frustration, out of confusion, and out of some unspoken understanding that I was meant to do it all along, I bring down my saber upon the offending clone, separating his head cleanly from the rest of his body. And then Obi-wan hits me.

"Ow!" I say, rubbing the part of my arm that is still an arm. "What did you do that for?"

"You killed him!"

"Yeah, therefore _helping you_. I know I haven't known you for a while, but I'm pretty sure that's not how you usually show appreciation."

"But _why_?" Obi-wan asks skeptically, staring down at the corpse of a Jango Fett look-alike. "We're not even on the same side!"

"I don't know _why_!" I say. "And I thought there wasn't even supposed to _be_ a why! There's not supposed to be an absolute _side_, is there Obi-wan?" I hardly know what I'm saying anymore, and even as I throw the teachings of the Jedi in his face, I myself begin to wonder _why. _Why do I want Obi-wan's appreciation? Why does his voice keep ringing in my head, "_Was it worth it?" _

"You can't just go around killing people!" he grasps desperately. "Now we're going to have a hundred angry clones after us!"

"You were totally about to kill him yourself, and it's not a hundred clones, it's a hundred _drunk_, party-going clones who are too afraid of me to do anything anyway!"

"You're so sure of yourself!" he snaps. "Did it ever occur to you that you can't fix everything, that you can't save everyone, that you're not all-powerful?"

And before I know it, our lightsabers are locked once more and we are fighting our way to the door, trying desperately not to trip over the nameless head (well, it may have been named by Palpatine at some point) on the floor as we go.

We continue out the room, through one of countless dark corridors, our lightsabers locked in fierce battle. Obi-wan's attacks seem to get stronger the longer we fight, and I find myself repeatedly giving up more and more ground. I cannot remember the last time I have had to work this hard, and for a moment I wonder why I can't match his strength.

As I dodge yet another one of Obi-wan's attacks, it becomes evident that neither of us is planning on giving up, or even slowing down any time soon. It seems almost pointless, like a diversion or some sort of channel for all that we've been through and all that we've done to each other. Somewhere inside I tell myself that I don't want to do this anymore, that I don't want to be this. The confusion between what I am, who I am, and every truth that my heart is telling me only makes me frustrated. I lunge toward Obi-wan and wonder idly if I can win this battle. Obi-wan blocks my attack and leads me into another one of the infinite meaningless rooms of the Death Star.

I look around for a brief second and realize that there is an enormous hole in the middle of the room. Obi-wan seems to be distracted by the hole and narrow pathways above and around it. I take this chance to try and disarm him, but unfortunately for me, he leaps away at the last second, and lands a good distance away from me.

"WAIT!" Obi-wan shouts at the top of his lungs, which causes me to stop and listen to what he has to say. "Why, Anakin, is there a GIANT HOLE in the middle of this room?" he asks. I am speechless at his question. I had never really thought about it before. "I mean really, what purpose could this possibly serve?"

"Well, it could, uh, you know," I flounder, not really sure why Palpatine would insist on having a hole.

"What if someone fell in it? Where does it even go?"

"Erm…" I say, thinking about how silly this whole conversation is.

"Why do we always fight around ridiculous obstacles? What ever happened to fighting on flat ground?"

"Well-"

"Lord Vader!" I hear a voice behind me yell. I look around to see the smiling face of Palpatine a few feet away.

"Oh boy, just when this day couldn't get any better…." I mutter sarcastically to myself.

"Ah," Obi-wan starts, "Lord Sidious, you're just in time to answer a question that has been bugging me." As I listen to Obi-wan ramble on about the safety hazards of a giant hole with no obvious purpose, a thought occurs to me.

"… this horrible thing must be breaking about every building law, not to mention health code violations-" Obi-wan continues until I cut him off.

"How the hell did you find me?" I yell at Palpatine.

"Obi-wan glares at me momentarily, as if appalled that I would interrupt him. It almost makes me laugh. Almost.

"W-what, Lord Vader?" Palpatine chokes. He seems close to tears and the sight baffles be somewhat. I've never seen him like this.

"It's a big space station," I say simply, "how did you find me?"

"The Force, duh," I barely hear Obi-wan mutter. Choosing to ignore him, I turn to Lord Sidious for his answer.

"I, er, needed to see you," he begins tentatively. "I sensed you were in danger, you know, just like on Mustafar when I ran to your side and placed my hand on your head…." He trails off with a slight, dreamy smile on his face, and out of the corner of my eye I see Obi-wan acting out my very thoughts, which is to gag uncontrollably.

"Sir," I start, "I already told you-"

"I know!" he wails, causing me to jump out of surprise. He approaches me swiftly, placing a dry, cracked hand on each of my shoulders. "But think, my apprentice, have I not given you everything? I can, and always have, offered you the galaxy, ultimate power! I know you love me! I can sense the conflict in you!"

He gazes up at me through those red eyes, that lined face, that balding head, and I stop and I think. I had always trusted this man, I had always believed in him. I betrayed my life because I believed that he could save someone else's, someone who I loved more than anything. But what has come of it? _"What is worth it?" _I lost everything. I lost everyone else I had ever really cared about. Padme, my child, and, looking at him now, by brother. And suddenly, after all these years, after all these questions, it's like a veil has been lifted from over my ey – er – eyeholes. There is conflict in me, but not over my sexual orientation as Palpatine seems to think.

"I have more songs!" he cries out desperately. There's this one, it's called 'Clos-.'"

"No more songs!" I blurt out, a little more harshly than I would have liked. "I'm sorry sir," I begin more quietly, gently, solemnly, "but you just don't have what I want. You never have." He drops his gaze and I know he is broken. "I can't do this anymore. I can't be this anymore." I see Obi-wan standing and gazing at me in that all-knowing, Obi-wan way. I see his pride, his sense of forgiveness, and I see that, whether by the will of the Force or the will of the man standing before me, his presence was never unexpected.

"Fine," Palpatine snaps bitterly, backing away from me. "Fine, maybe I'll just throw myself down this hole, how would that be for you?" I stare at him, utterly dumbfounded. "Would you even care? Do you even care anymore? This whole Sith thing was just a _phase_ for you? I thought we had something, Vader!" I can tell he's hysterical now, and the sight can only be called a cross between disturbing and hilarious. "Well that's just _FINE_!" And before I can move, before I can even think of moving, he launches himself into the cavernous, pointless, health-hazardous hole.

A resounding screech rings in my ear – er – I _guess_ my ears anyway, as I stare after him, numb with shock. After a long while, it seems, Obi-wan moves to stand at my side. "Well," he begins bracingly, "you _did_ destroy the Sith, didn't you?"

I turn to him, at a complete loss for words. I have hated him for so long, been so wrong for so long. I understand now that it was never his mistake that caused me such fury, nor was it the Jedi Order's or anyone else's but my own. And with a wave as powerful as Kamino's roiling sea, I feel remorse. Sith don't feel remorse.

"I, Obi-wan, I'm … sorry."

"I know," he says quietly. He smiles, understanding in a way that I have always witnessed, but never understood myself. "So, uh, you know," he goes on awkwardly, "this is a rather large, er, hole, like I said before. We've fought around _a lot_ of holes…."

I catch on quickly, feeling more grateful than I have ever felt before. "Yeah, probably too many…."

"Call it a truce?"

I nod, smiling with a sense of freedom and a feeling of returning to somewhere I had always belonged. Although I know Obi-wan can't see it, I know he can feel it. It is an understanding, a true, albeit unfathomable forgiveness, and a bond that only brothers can share.

* * *

Authors' note- Epilogue as soon as we can! MORE IDEAS NEEDED! Geez, come on people, we need something to get us through next semester! Hope you enjoyed, hope the ending was satisfactory, even though we fear it was a bit less humorous and a bit more to the point this time. We're planning on having some more fun with the epilogue … the true end of An Unexpected Guest. It's January, it's cold (except to those who apparently live in Australia), and a review would warm us up sufficiently, even if you're just dropping by to say how much we suck. Eat a Pearson's Salted Nut Roll, just because the name is funny, and have a great day! 


	11. Epilogue

Disclaimer: For a squeaky helmet that makes Darth Vader's birth absolutely hilarious (not to mention anything else squeaky in the world, now) George Lucas, you're the best.

Authors' Note- Yes, yes, it's been ages. No excuses really, aside from Weissman and his stupid essays (and spiritual band-aids), dumb newspaper assignments for Colorado History, real newspaper assignments for the school paper, and of course, lazy authors. Sorry, a thousand times over, and we hope you enjoy the final chapter of An Unexpected Guest!

This chapter dedicated to, er, that guy that played Owen Lars. Not sure of his name, but you rock, and hope Heaven treats you well!

**Thanks to: QueenMeep- **Thanks! We love your weird ideas … absolutely wonderful!** KillinBuddy- **Your review made absolutely no sense and we thank you for that.** MercutioArcher- **It's a good thing we've gotten used to your energy or that review would've really freaked us out. Thank you so much! **ShadowCaster360-** Okay fine! Are your parents British? Thanks for putting up with our weirdness! Seriously, in a purely curious capacity, where are you from? **Princess-Aiel- **People seem to like the getting drunk idea … we'll have to consider that.Thanks always for your wonderful reviews! **padmenaberrie32- **Cool, more stories to come!** swiftykenobi- **WE LOVE YOU! Your review is so wonderful! It made our day. Well, actually it made a lot of our days considering we haven't updated in at least a month. **Rono-** How sweet, thank you so much for all your support. **Jedi X-man Serena Kenobi- **Uh, thanks, we're glad he died too! **. ()- **Er, thanks. Vanhooser.** forceflow46- **We loved the hole part too, glad to see you liked it! Course, we never knew what it was called…. **cozy-rozy-etc- **Thanks. I think we'll save the drunk thing for the next story. **Phantom'sJediBandieGirl- **Yeah, Palpatine annoys us too, but not as much anymore. We've 'rooned' him for ourselves now…. Thanks for the review!

To everyone who has ever read our story, thank you so much! It's always nice to know that people enjoy a couple of weird senses of humor….

An Unexpected Guest

Epilogue

The ship that Obi-wan and I had boarded is just a parsec away from the surface of Tatooine when he so politely informs me that I have a son. We left the Death Star earlier today after I publicly announced the end of the Empire to a galaxy that has hated me for so many long years of oppression. A few moments ago I sat gazing absentmindedly at the blurred stars of hyperspace, thinking about how proud Padme would be that the Republic she held so dear has finally been restored to freedom. Now, however, my breath is coming in rapid, harsh bursts of air, wheezing through my mask in an expression of pure, electric shock.

"W-what?" I choke.

"Calm down," Obi-wan says gently, patting my shoulder with genuine concern. "Why did you _think_ we were going to Tatooine?"

"For the reasons you told me!" I screech. "You know, like the fact that you live there and it's the ideal place to hide out when the majority of the galaxy would still like to see me dead! You never mentioned _I have a son_! How – how?"

"Well Anakin, when two people love each other very much and they want to express that love -"

"I know _how_!" I say, annoyed. "But it just doesn't make sense. Palpatine said -"

"Search your feelings, Anakin, you know it to be true," Obi-wan says with a smile. I look deep inside myself, and somehow know he is correct, he's telling the truth. Somehow, someway, I have a son.

"I have a son," I repeat out loud, letting it all sink in. But soon my new found acceptance turns into anger. "You never told me I had a son! Why didn't you ever say anything?" In my outrage I manage to carelessly knock over Bob, whom I have brought with me in hopes that the Tatooine suns will help him grow.

Obi-wan, catching Bob before he hits the ground, responds, "You were evil! The last time I saw you your burned, flakey body was exclaiming that you hated me! Was I supposed to hand your children over to a Sith Lord? Anakin Skywalker would never have wanted that to happen."

The end of this explanation rings true and I know it, but somehow I'm still stuck on one of Obi-wan's previous sentences. "_Children_?" I ask, my voice breaking in such an urgent tone. "What do you mean, '_children_?'"

Obi-wan pauses, looking as though he's desperately trying to recall exactly what he just said. "Well," he finally begins, "you have a daughter too. Her name is Leia and she's Luke's twin sister. She lives on Alderaan though, with Bail Organa."

A fresh stream of panic and shock pulses through the few veins I have left. _How can I have children_? The thought seemed impossible for so long. After Padme's death I hardly thought I would find true happiness again, not that I ever deserved it. And now, now when everything is clear in my life once more, the thought of_ her_ children is the best blessing from the Force I could have ever imagined. I might have a chance to fix what I destroyed all those years ago.

_But they already have families_, I argue bitterly with myself. _They probably don't even know of me … and what would they think if they did? And what if they're _not_ happy now? What if the need their father? Maybe_…. Evidently Obi-wan can sense my fear, my conflicting thoughts and questions, because he lays a warm, soothing hand on my shoulder once more before offering, "Hey, she's happy, _they're_ happy. Besides, Leia gets to be a princess!" he adds. "Now what little girl wouldn't want that?"

I stare at him numbly, still discomforted and lost. "I want to be a part of their lives, Obi-wan," I say seriously. "But what if -"

"No," Obi-wan interrupts. "No 'what if.' Concentrate on the present. We'll figure something out."

Through our ripped, shredded bond, so recently repaired, I can feel his reassurance. As the ship pulls out of hyperspace, as Tatooine draws nearer, as Obi-wan gives Bob some water before we land, I brace myself, hoping that the mistakes of my past will not become my future.

* * *

The warm Tatooine suns greet me as I walk off of the ship. Although it's been years since I last came here, it looks exactly as I remember it. As I scan my surroundings, looking for some evidence of change, I see Obi-wan out of the corner of my eye, carrying a brightly wrapped package.

"What's that?" I say, pointing at the shiny box.

"A birthday present," Obi-wan states simply.

"Really? For who?"

"For your son, duh. Today is his birthday after all."

"WHAT?" I yell. "His birthday is today and you didn't tell me?"

"You didn't get him anything?" Obi-wan asks with genuine curiosity. "Geez Anakin, your own son and you didn't get him anything?"

"I just found out I had a son ten minutes ago! How the hell was I supposed to know that it was his birthday?"

"Fatherly intuition?" he shrugs. "The Force?"

"I don't know what to do Obi-wan!" I say, starting to panic. "It's going to be hard enough for him to meet such a weird looking father as it is, much less if I didn't bring him a present on his birthday!"

Obi-wan sighs and approaches me with an air of calmness I cannot begin to fathom. "Don't worry, Anakin," he says. "Calm yourself. We can share credit for this gift, and then you can buy him something else later if you like. You'll have to get a gift for Leia anyway," he adds with a smile.

I let out a long, slow breath, trying desperately to release my fears into the Force. I'm too apprehensive, too on edge for my liking. I haven't been this nervous since the say I met Padme again when I was still a padawan … when I wasn't sure if she would ever love me.

We begin our long trudge through the scorching sand, heading, I assume, in the direction of Obi-wan's home. The heat here does not bother me – it is something that has been a part of me since I was a child. Although the sand is more irritating now as it falls in the crevices of my suit, I will always be at home in the heat of the Tatooine suns. In the distance, I can start to make out the figure of a young boy.

My son … Luke.

Obi-wan and I start walking at a faster pace to reach him sooner. He appears to notice Obi-wan and runs up to greet him. He's beautiful, more perfect than I could ever dream.

"Ben!" my son yells with joy.

"Ben?" I question. "But I thought you were just mocking me when you asked me to call you that!" Obi-wan looks at me like he's going to respond, but is interrupted by a questioning look from Luke.

"Who are you?" he asks innocently.

"Well, er, I'm, well, you see…" I stutter nervously, not quite knowing how to tell him.

"You breathe weird," he says with a serious expression.

"Uh …"

"And your helmet is really shiny!"

"Well, you see …"

"How do you eat?" I can hear Obi-wan start to laugh at my son's many comments, leading me to believe they have been spending too much time together.

"Now Luke," Obi-wan says, regaining his composure, "this is your father."

I freeze at Obi-wan's bluntness, all my fears about meeting my son rushing back to me. What if he doesn't like me? What if he never wants to see me again? What if –

"OK," he says.

"What? That's it? Just an OK?" I say.

"Well, what did you expect?" Obi-wan asks, turning to me. "He's only seven, after all, he's got the attention span of a butterfly!"

"I don't know," I begin, "maybe for you to not be so blunt about it."

"Well I had to say something or we would've been here for the next day while you desperately try to explain to him who you are. It was pathetic really. I mean, what's so hard about just saying, 'Luke, I am your father?'"

I ignore this comment and instead ask a question of my own as I watch Luke, his blue eyes still fixed on me with a gleam of curiosity. "Where is Owen … Beru?" I say slowly. "He's out here by himself. He could've been snatched by sand people or gotten lost in the desert, or -"

"Anakin, again, you need to calm down," Obi-wan breaks in with well-practiced patience. "Has it really been that long since you've last been here? His house is just over there," he says, pointing to the tiny mound of a home that blends so well with the sand around it. "I hadn't planned on coming here first, but since you've already been introduced, we might as well go in."

"Al-alright." I stumble. "You're sure they won't mind?"

I suddenly feel a small hand slip into my own.

"It's okay," Luke says, gripping my hand more tightly. The sight, the sensation, completely baffles me. How can he reach out to me with such kindness? I am a disfigured shell of a man who calls himself a father. He doesn't know me, he doesn't know where I've been or what I've done. Obi-wan urges me onward with a slight push through the Force and I grasp Luke's hand in return. His confident smile comforts me as he leads me to his home.

The Lars household was never particularly fascinating to me. My first impression of it when I visited while searching for my mother so many years ago was that it looked like just about every other home on this insufferable planet. Now, however, the structure, though small in size, looms before me dauntingly. What am I supposed to say to the two people that have raised my son for seven years of his life?

"How about, 'Hi?'" Obi-wan offers, taking me by surprise. Are my thoughts really that transparent?

We stop before the door, but even as my hesitance grows stronger, Luke pushes it open.

"Aunt Beru!" he calls in that small voice of a child. "Aunt Beru, Uncle Owen, we have visitors!"

"Visitors, huh?" I hear Beru respond, apparently amused, from the kitchen.

"Yep, Ben's here, and he's brought my father!"

A resounding crash echoes through the house, followed by quick footsteps and the appearance of a young woman covered in flour. She stutters, she stares, she grabs at her heart in fear. I decide to take Obi-wan's advice and utter the single word, "Hi."

She faints and Owen arrives just in time to catch her collapsing form. After sitting her in a chair and drawing Luke to his side, this now formidable man opens his mouth to speak.

He never gets the chance. "Listen Owen," Obi-wan begins while Beru wakes up and attempts to remain calm, "we're not here to hurt you and we would never dream of bringing harm to Luke, so you can just calm down for a moment while I explain." Owen looks like he's rather inclined to disagree with this statement (this or he's extremely constipated) but he holds his tongue and Obi-wan speaks once more.

"Anakin has fulfilled his destiny and destroyed the Sith." Owen stares at him like he's crazy, Beru looks like she's going to faint again, and Luke seems to be preoccupied with a bug on the floor. Obi-wan, noticing their utter confusion, explains in simpler terms. "He finally decided to listen to me, kill Sidious, and join the good side. The Empire is no more, as I'm sure you've heard, which leaves Anakin here jobless and homeless, so I decided to bring him back here to meet his son."

"So he's good then?" Owen asks, his voice full of suspicion.

"Yep," Obi-wan grins.

"_What_?" Owen starts, completely losing his cool. "No, he can't just be good all of a sudden! He can't! He joined the dark side, killed millions of innocent beings! He's Darth Vader, DARTH VADER, D-A-R-T-H – "

But he doesn't get to finish his rant because at that moment, Luke walks up to me. "Wanna come watch me open my presents?"

"Sound's like a great idea!" Obi-wan chimes as Owen stares. "Anakin and I brought you a present too, Luke."

I shoot a grateful glance at Obi-wan and follow as my son leads us to the small dining table in the next room.

"Er, you can open it first if you want," I offer, taking the shimmering package from Obi-wan and placing it into Luke's tiny, outstretched hands. His eyes shine as they fall first upon the present, and then onto me. It's the happiest I've ever been.

Owen looks as though he would quite like to knock the offending gift from his nephew's hands, but Luke has already begun to tear through the paper and into the box. I am filled with almost as much anticipation as the young boy before me, wondering what in the galaxy Obi-wan could have gotten my son.

It's a lightsaber. _My_ lightsaber.

I can feel my face contort into an expression of shock unmistakably similar to that of Owen's. Luke lights up immediately. "Wow," he breathes in awe.

"Hey, that's my – "

"Your old lightsaber, yes," Obi-wan interrupts me. "And it was very considerate of you to pass it down to your son," he adds pointedly.

I can't say a word. I'm simply unable to believe that Obi-wan would just give away my old lightsaber! And then Luke wraps his arms around my legs in a tight embrace. "Thank you," he sighs into my cape. I return the hug tentatively as Obi-wan starts talking again.

"I – we – thought that perhaps Luke could come over to the house sometime to practice. Right now it's on the lowest setting, so it can't harm a thing," he explains.

Owen looks fit to explode. "No he absolutely cannot – "

But Beru stops him with a quiet hand on her husband's shoulder. "Luke should know his father, Owen," she says softly. Gazing at the boy in my arms, she continues, "we should give him a chance."

Although it's obvious that the man would love to disagree with her, he doesn't say anything. The tension in the room eases some, and we all settle down around the table for Beru's chocolate cake.

I turn to my son, blonde hair falling in his eyes, frosting smeared across his broadly grinning face. "Happy Birthday, Luke."

* * *

Later that night, I lay gazing through a small window of Obi-wan's home at the clear, Tatooine sky. Until we can remodel the place, I'll be forced to share Obi-wan's miniscule bed, and of course, his pillow. It's not so bad – soft anyway.

Today was one of the best days I've had for many years. For the first time in a long time I could feel Padme again, alive in my son. That small birthday party made me happier than any of the parties I'd ever attended as a Sith. I imagine it could even rival those of the Death Star, which is under control by Boba now as the party center of the galaxy.

I let my eyes wander throughout the room, taking in everything. A closet stands open to the left of the window, packed with brown cloaks. Obi-wan always said that he lost too many cloaks on missions. He's bought them in bulk ever since he was a padawan. A holograph stands on the bedside table closest to me. The person displayed looks oddly familiar….

"Hey, Obi-wan?" I ask quietly.

"Yeah?" He shifts slightly and hits my back. I wish he'd learn to _move over_.

"Is that Qui-gon in this holograph?"

He pauses for a moment. "Anakin?"

"Yes?"

"Shut-up."

I don't press the matter, but grin widely into my side of the pillow. Well, in my mask at any rate.

The stars are bright outside the window. I've always been drawn to them, drawn to something more. Now though, I realize that I have everything I've ever needed. My children are safe, the galaxy is free, and I am happy. I don't need to see all the stars any more. In some ways, I already have.

_The End_

* * *

Authors' note- Well, it took forever, but there it is. We have absolutely loved writing this story, and extend our greatest thanks to all who read, enjoyed, and reviewed. We've started another fic, so all is not lost! Forever and for always, may the Force be with you all. (Oh yeah, and Bob's fine now. Bobbette however, the tree given as a recent Christmas gift, is frying for some reason. Plant's are so confusing….) Have a nice day, always! 


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